- A recent raid of an al Qaeda torture chamber has revealed a couple of very important things. First off, we've absolutely got to hunt down every one of these sick terrorist fuckers, stick our steel boots on their neck, and either choke them or break their neck, before they procreate.

And secondly... terrorists can't draw for shit. No seriously. They're absolutely terrible. I mean, come on, we have third graders with the 64 piece crayon set that can lay down better shit than these terrorists.

Let's strike a blow for art... kill a terrorist.

May 12, 2007

- New Beefboy gallery of Saul of the Mole Man's Irina Voronina!

April 23, 2007

- While a lot of you have just discovered Rose McGowan from her appearance in Grindhouse, the Beefboy's been in love with her since way back in 1995 when she appeared in the movie The Doom Generation. I think you can see from the photo above why she caught my attention.

I'll do a Beefboy Gallery on her very soon.

- I've been busy writing articles but just now had time to update them. If you'd like to read my take on the Virginia Tech Killer, please check out my Features page.

- If you'd like to read about Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, and why they threaten the free world, then check it out here.

- I've got so much more stuff coming you're not going to believe it! This Beefboy has been BUSY!

April 12, 2007

- Al Sharpton is now informing us that this is just the beginning. He wants to choose what you can and can not say on the airwaves. Who made Sharpton the arbiter of anything besides shitty velour track suits?

The Beefboy has a better idea for Al Sharpton… why don’t you suck my fat swollen cock?

April 10, 2007

- Lost in all the mess with Don Imus is the fact that he is a washed up radio host and no one would have even known about his comments unless Al Sharpton wanted to get some press for his own little irrelevant radio show. The Beefboy would also like to point out that, once again, we are spending way too much time talking about three words some cornhole said, instead of talking about illegal aliens, terrorism AND how political correctness is the biggest threat to America that exists today.

Your homework assignment is to pick up a copy of the book 1984 and read how controlling language is another way of controlling YOU. Political Correctness (a phrase that originated in Communist Russia) is the attempt to control debate by telling you what is acceptable to say. If America doesn’t stop this horseshit, we’re going to find ourselves slaves to our own government. I can imagine that our Founding Fathers are rolling over in their graves and shitting worms over our blatant disregard for the guiding tenants of this country. Let me assure you that the Beefboy will not be a victim of Political Correctness and I encourage you not to fall in that trap either.

If you don’t like what the Beefboy has to say, then don’t come to my site, but don’t you dare tell me what to say. Fuck you. Fuck your mom. Fuck everyone. I WILL SPEAK MY MIND.

March 19, 2007

- Want to see the second best political ad EVER?!!! Take a look at the ad below, but look quick... I expect it to get yanked at any time now.

Want to see the best political ad EVER? It's the Lyndon Johnson ad against Barry Goldwater in the 1964 campaign, and yes, it's below...

March 16, 2007

- New Chick of the Moment Ivanka Trump! You can see her in the sidebar to the right.

March 10, 2007

- Just got through watching the first couple of episodes of BBC's Robin Hood. It's surprisingly good. If you're used to seeing foppish weasels (or Kevin Costner) playing Robin, then you'll appreciate the turn of Jonas Armstrong's take on the character. You'll also appreciate the lovely Lucy Griffiths as Marion and the chilling evil of Keith Allen's Sheriff of Nottingham. I'm just two episodes into the series, but it's got excellent production, good writing and action that's suitably worthy of your time. If you live in the UK, you already know this, but if you live in America, you can check it out on Saturday nights on BBC America.

March 6, 2007

- Let’s not pretend like there were no warning bells on the shoddy treatment our veterans are facing in places like the Walter Reed Medical Center. It shouldn’t take a media scandal to wake up government. My dad is a veteran and he’s complained for years about the poor treatment, inefficiency and sub-standard care. Everyone in office, EVERYONE, has to explain to all of us why we are not giving first class service to our greatest patriots. It sickens me that we bend over forwards and financially take it in the ass from street trash, addicts and professional welfare scum, while we forget people who have legitimately earned the right to demand that we give them the best health care possible.

This needs to be fixed right now. Tomorrow is not acceptable.

February 28, 2007

- Run, don't walk to see the new Danger Darling site! It features irreverent book and movie reviews by a good friend. If you like the Beefboy, you're going to love Danger Darling!

Dig it!

February 26, 2007

- If you've got a site to promote or want some publicity (I get two million hits a month), send the Beefboy a picture like the one above and I'll put you right here on my home page.

- Every so often I forget why I stopped watching the Oscars and tune in anyway... well, now I remember why I don't watch the Academy Awards. To start with, the awards are not about performance, it's about past achievements, politics and how rosy it's going to make everyone feel to give you an Oscar. An Inconvenient Truth was going to win NO MATTER WHAT. It could have been up against any contender and won outright. When Al Gore took the stage, you'd think he'd given $1000 to every man in the crowd and fucked every woman. The audience looked at him like Michael Jackson looks at a Target ad for boys underwear.

For some reason, instead of properly paying tribute to FILM, we get an endless series of shitty Broadway style performances. Who gives a fuck about seeing Celine Dion sing some song by Ennio Morricone? We want to see how he crafted some of the coolest music in the history of cinema. Isn't that what he's being honored for?

Why is so much time spent on the buildup to the award and then when we get the recipient in front of us, they usher them off after scant seconds? The fucking speeches are the best part of the show nutsacks! Cut the in-between bullshit so we can see the stars and HEAR them accept the award!

And why do they always list the show at three hours? Seriously. There's not a chance in hell that the show is coming in on time. At my calculations, it went to about 3 hours and 45 minutes. Start that fucker an hour earlier and stop yanking my cock about getting through on time.

Finally, the people who should win, never win (I'll never forgive the Oscars for giving the Best Picture award to Forrest Gump, instead of Shawshank Redemption or Pulp Fiction... I've said it before and I'm saying it again... if you want to debate the Beefboy on the quality and relevance of Forrest Gump, versus either of those two movies, then be prepared to get your intellectual ass kicked!). The best movies tend to win screenplay awards for some reason. With that said, it was good to see Martin Scorsese take the director award (finally) and see The Departed win best picture. I can't remember being so happy with a best picture win since Silence of the Lambs.

Ellen DeGeneres did a good job as host, which means she probably won't be back.

I should have just watched Battlestar Gallactica.

February 18, 2007

- Yes, that's Britney Spears with a bald head. She shaved her head, herself, in public, which means she WANTS you to see these pictures. Oh sure, I could jump on the bandwagon and tell you that this is a cry for help, but honestly, I don't have a problem with women shaving their heads (it takes a lot of guts, even for guys) and if she wants to shake off the girl next door image, this was a good way to do it (but, there's nothing like a Playboy pictorial to that properly Britney).

Her hair is selling on eBay, by the way. Some of you nutsacks will buy ANYTHING.

February 15, 2007

- Beyonce is doing the Sport Illustrated Swimsuit Issue this year… that’s two great tastes that taste great together.

- What is this about President Bush inviting 7000 Iraqi refugees over here? Is that guy nuts? You know it won’t stop with 7000 either! Why doesn’t he just set up a new al Qaeda HQ in the Pentagon? That would be great!

- Is the Beefboy the only man on the planet who is NOT in the running to be the father of Anna Nicole’s baby? Seriously. I mean how many nutsacks can you do in roughly a one month period? And let’s take a look at the menagerie of sleazy characters from the Star Wars bar scene that are lining up to take credit for doing her. Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband?!!! Seriously?! Even the old dead billionaire is in the running! And HE’S DEAD! Seriously!! That’s not a badge of honor guys, Anna Nicole was the IHOP of sex; her legs are ALWAYS OPEN.

Am I supposed to believe that any of these cramholes are going to be good fathers to the kid? Please! We all know that this paternity debacle is about the half a billion cheddar on the line for that kid and for the adult who is the guardian.

The biggest crime in all of this is the fact that we’ve spent more than two minutes discussing this issue. This is Jerry Springer stuff here… let him do wall-to-wall coverage on this. FOX and NBC and all the rest should be flogged for taking time away from real issues… like illegal aliens, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan and terrorism!

- Speaking of illegal aliens, have you heard that Bank of America is offering credit cards to “people without social security numbers”? While this may be a great business move to get access to 12 to 20 million new customers, the Beefboy thinks it’s a great way to encourage people to continue to break our laws, and it’s a super dandy way to fast-track funding for terrorists. It’s wrong and it’s immoral and it shows an incredible lack of patriotism for a business called the “Bank of America”.

Bill O’Reilly and Dennis Miller have closed their accounts at Bank of America and if I had an account with them, I’d do the same.

February 13, 2007

Let’s talk about the recent (and ongoing) attempt to pass a non-binding resolution in Congress. The Democrats want to show their displeasure at Bush’s plan to send 20 to 30 thousand more troops to Iraq. While the Beefboy certainly agrees that there is a debate here (read my rant on February 11) I want to call the Dems on their duplicity and their cowardice.

First off, it wasn’t too long ago that the same people who are complaining about sending extra troops, were DEMANDING that we send extra troops. Democrats are breaking their balls to be contrarian to anything that Bush proposes. I would be more likely to listen if I felt that there was some underlining philosophy and consistency in their views. I would also like to hear some options from the other side of the aisle. If you’re going to bitch, you better have some fucking solutions too.

Next, I want to examine the political wonder that is… “the non-binding resolution”. I’ve been hearing that phrase more and more over the past decade, almost exclusively from the United Nations (and anything that comes from the United Nations is seriously suspect).

If you’re going to loan someone a million dollars, would you prefer to have them sign a “binding” or a “non-binding” contract? Okay… let’s kick this up a notch. Let’s say that a member of Congress has a 12 year old daughter who’s having sex with one of those cramholes from the Dateline “To Catch a Predator” series. Do you think that they would pass a non-binding resolution for that pervert to stop, or do you think they would call the cops… or better yet, break that fucker’s nose?

The point is that the “non-binding resolution” is political masturbation. It makes you feel good, but it doesn’t mean anything. It’s also a monumental waste of time. The Democrats took over Congress partly (the press erroneously says “fully”) because of their promise to bring the troops home. The people who voted the Dems into power wanted action, not a bunch of wacking-off. Talk is fucking cheap, and it’s a great cover for cowardice.

Dig it!

February 11, 2007

Paris Hilton with that nutsack from Girls Gone Wild

- Wow! I just got blown away by the performance of Corinne Bailey Rae at tonight's Grammy Awards. The incredibly pure voice and coming from such an amazing knock-out... well, you can see for yourself below...

- Apparently, our troops have just recently been given permission to kill or capture Iranian operatives in Iraq. What?!! Are you telling the Beefboy that they DIDN'T previously HAVE PERMISSION?!! What the fuck are we doing over there? Is this a war or a fucking pageant? Are we over there to jack people off, or are we there to crush our enemies?

When we went into Iraq, we should have adopted the Powell Doctrine from the very beginning. What is the Powell Doctrine? Well, besides a set of circumstances that probably would have kept us out of Iraq in the first place, it states that if we are going to send our troops then "every resource and tool should be used to achieve overwhelming force against the enemy, minimizing US casualties and ending the conflict quickly by forcing the weaker force to capitulate."

The Powell Doctrine suggests that, if we're going to war, then we're going to win. Decisively. What we've got right now is some sort of politically correct nightmare, where indecisive politicians, the press and pansy surrender-monkeys are guiding policy, instead of our generals in the sand.

Our military is the most amazing collection of virtuoso ass-kickers the world has ever seen. They are scary, efficient and professional at killing people and breaking things when given the ability to perform the way they were trained. They are also vulnerable, fractured and frustrated when we tie their hands and make them jump through hoops to impress fuckholes that don't matter and are NOT in the line of fire.

If you're going to send my friends and family over there to face the roadside bombs of radical religious nutsacks, then you must, MUST, let them do their job!

If not, then it's time to bring them home.

Dig it!

February 9, 2007

- The Beefboy just recovered from a nasty little stomach virus, which... strangely enough, makes me have a new appreciation for old-fashioned brown solid poop.

February 1 ,2007

- Last month The Beefboy Rants shattered the all-time number of visitors… by 15000 people! I might also add that this has been a steady trend since I launched the site over three years ago. Thanks to all the Beefanatics out there! Much love to you all.

- Of course you know the Beefboy is going to talk about the Aqua Teen Hunger Force terrorist plot! What I’m going to say, which no one else is going to tell you, is that the Police, and the media, and the city in general, grossly overreacted to a board with a bunch of lights that looked like a mooninite! Those signs, which were misreported (and still being misreported) as a “package” had been up for two weeks in multiple cities around the US (including Boston) without incident! Because everyone involved lost their fucking minds, closed down the port, shut down highways and went on full scale overblown terror silliness, NOW they have to cover their pathetic asses due to embarrassment.

NOW, you’re going to see an overreaction in the other direction where marketing executives at the Cartoon Network, Turner Broadcasting and the poor schmucks who were just trying to make a buck by putting up some viral advertising, are sacrificed to the God of Homeland Security, and the media are going to go right along with it, because they were embarrassed by their own stupidity (and for fucks sake, don’t embarrass the media)! Shame on all you fascist nutsacks!

Another few of things came to mind on this “incident”. First off, I imagine that Osama is getting a good chuckle over us chasing our tail over stupid shit. Next, for those of you who think this is something that’s never been done before, the art community has been placing this sort of non-permanent “graffiti” around major cities for a while now, it’s time everyone woke up. Finally, once again, the Old Guard shows their total disconnect with modern culture. Everyone under 40 that was asked about the sign said, “Oh, that’s a mooninite from Aqua Teen Hunger Force… cool.” The old farts said, “Improvised Explosive Device! Run for your lives!”

By the way, if anyone gets a hold of one of those mooninite boards the Beefboy would love to have one!

January 20, 2007

- Did the Beefboy just see Bruce Campbell in an Old Spice commercial?!! I have to admit that Bruce Campbell is a cool ass motherfucker, but that's still not enough to make me wear my great-grandfather's cologne.

-This seems like a good weekend to make some hot and spicy chili... so, back by popular demand, here's my ultimate chili recipe.

January 15, 2007

The Beefboy has been wondering why I've been getting a ton of hits and queries on Tricia Helfer... well, she's in Playboy this month. The Beefboy is way ahead of you cats. I had a Fan Page of her last year. Click here to see what you've been missing.

(By the way, the picture above is so large that you could put it on your computer as a wallpaper image... if you can stand it... )

January 11, 2007

- Red alert (in my pants)!!! Dita von Teese has dumped Marilyn Manson. That means that it's only a matter of time before Dita and the Beefboy hook up (I'll keep you informed).

You can see her Beefboy Fan Page here.

January 4, 2007

- Happy New Year Beefanatics! Last month I had so many visits that I exceeded my site’s bandwidth (that won’t happen again)! Wow! Over two million hits last month and a record number of visitors! Thanks Beefanatics! This year is going to be even better than the last (thanks to you).

- To the right is a picture of Daybreak star Victoria Pratt, but I know her from Mutant X and Cleopatra 2525, so I'm basically a geek.

- Congratulations to Nancy Pelosi, the first woman Speaker of the House. While I’m no fan of her politics (and I’ll be watching her like a dirty dog), I think having a woman in charge is long overdue.

- Thank God Himself, for talking to Pat Robertson and warning us about a terrorist attack, coming up later this year. You’d think God would tell that to Bush or the Homeland Security Chief, but no, he went to a guy with real credibility… Pat Robertson. We sure are lucky that Pat has God on his MySpace friends list.

- Speaking of that, have you noticed that the U.S.A. hasn’t had a real terrorist attack since 2001? Let the Beefboy ask you a question: What do you attribute that to? Luck? Apathy on the terrorist’s part? Or, do you think we should give some credit to Bush and the troops and everyone else who is working hard to keep us safe?

How many times have we heard of someone in federal or local law enforcement busting up a terrorist cell? Plenty of times! How often have you heard of major players getting arrested and sent to interrogation chambers? Very often. How many terrorist nutsacks have we left as a greasy stain on the earth where they crawled? A plethora. I think it’s time we recognized that, despite the rampant ineptitude of government in most situations, they seem to be getting it right when it comes to fighting terrorists.

Osama has been a bladderless windbag for a half a decade. It’s like a boxer getting in one punch, quitting the fight, hiding, and bragging about that punch for five years. It’s absolute absurdity!

I have one final question for you. Do you think the mainstream media is likely to point out our success against terrorism? If not, why not? That’s an answer I leave for them to explain, and you to ponder.

- No offense to President Ford, but ENOUGH! Do we really need seven days of mourning? I mean the guy ran the country, and thanks for that, but you can’t seriously justify leading every broadcast with soft news on where his body is for a week! We don’t worship our leaders around here (as much as they’d like us to). Let’s tune down these state funerals.

- Have you seen the new Transformers trailer from Japan? It looks pretty cool...

- The usual suspects are complaining about the fact that Saddam was hung, that he was taunted before the hanging, and that the event was taped by a cell phone camera (video below)… and whose fault is it? Oh, it’s America’s fault, of course.

Let the Beefboy explain to the idiots of the world why this was not an American sponsored death sentence.

(1) We don’t hang people. That’s old world Islam there.

(2) We would have waited about two decades before carrying out the sentence. We’ve got lawyers that need new homes and private schooling for their children. There’s no way you’re getting swift justice over here.

(3) He didn’t get interviewed by Geraldo Rivera, or have a bunch of activist pussies weeping outside his cell.

Frankly, if the Beefboy was in charge, I would have made it a Pay-Per-View event, got Vince McMahon to produce the show, have Ryan Seacrest and Paris Hilton host and have appearances by Carrot Top, The Dixie Chicks and Richard Simmons. Then I’d put Saddam in the same industrial-size meat grinder that he used to kill rivals, and serve Saddam burgers to terrorists in Abu Ghraib prison. But that’s just the way I roll.

Dig it!