Bladderless nutsack terrorist Osama bin Laden has been flapping his gums a lot lately (the second broadcast in a week was just released). Mind you, we haven’t actually SEEN that sissy bitch in over half a decade, and the real Osama may be getting butt fucked by Satan as we speak, but the real issue is that with everyone worried so much about bonuses at AIG and Michael Phelps smoking some weed, no one is watching what Osama and his buddies are doing.

Originally Published: March 2, 2009

The Beefboy is struck by the idiocy of three stories that are currently circulating around the media. The first story is about Christian Bale getting mad at a cinematographer because he wandered into a scene while they were filming. Alex Rodriguez admitted to taking steroids… yes, we’re STILL seriously talking about steroids in a children’s game. Finally Michael Phelps took a hit off a bong.

What connects these three stories? The fact that NO ONE CARES! An actor said fuck 89 times on a movie set to an adult and apologized to the guy later? Who cares? A-Rod says he’s sorry for doing what everyone else did nearly a decade ago? Who cares? Michael Phelps got caught on camera relaxing with friends? Who cares?

No. Seriously. WHO FUCKING CARES?!!!

Actors and athletes shouldn’t be role models to start with. In each of those stories no one was harmed, each were shown to be human and perhaps (perhaps) at a low point in judgment. It’s astounding that with everything that’s going on now (do I really need to give you the list) that these three stories get more than a passing mention, a chuckle and then are forgotten. It’s an indictment on the public zeitgeist that stories like this gain so much fucking attention. 

Stop it! Stop consuming this bullshit!!! Focus all your attention on CONGRESS, who have just fucked you up the ass with absolutely no lubrication whatsoever! You are being hypnotized by cotton candy news while your liberties and your possessions are being stolen by your government! 

Can I make this any more clear for you?