Category Archives: Reviews

Stargate Universe Finale and the Death of Syfy

The series finale of Stargate: Universe (SGU) aired earlier this week on the SyFy Channel. The finale of SGU heralds the end of not only the Stargate franchise, but a decade of quality programming on the only network dedicated to science fiction and fantasy. Care to take a sad look at where SyFy hyperjumped the shark? Then sit back, relax, enjoy and let The Beefboy do what The Beefboy does best… and that’s break it right on down for you!

The Golden Age

Over a decade ago The Beefboy caught a two-hour special broadcast of Farscape on NBC. I was impressed with the production design and quality of special effects, but I was particularly fascinated with the characters and writing of Farscape. I made the move to the Sci-Fi Channel and quickly became a fan of Sci-Fi Fridays. While Farscape was, and still is, one of my all time favorites, LEXX and Stargate: SG1 captivated me enough to take up that entire block of time and make that night special for me… and many other fans hungry for real science fiction.

Sure, we were subjected to the highs and lows of the Stargate franchise, and crapfests like The Invisible Man and Flash Gordon over the years, but then again we also got five years of the best television series of all time, Battlestar Gallactica! The Sci-Fi Network built a solid brand that kept me coming back every Friday night and, more importantly, courted my interest with new shows, no matter how wonderful or how abysmal they were.

Why Stargate Failed

Stargate: Universe was easily the most mature and developed of any previous incarnations. SGU gave us character development, modern direction, conflict and actors who were capable of delivering real drama. SGU deserved better, but was doomed due to series fatigue (Star Trek: Enterprise suffered from the same malady). What ultimately killed SGU though, was a failure of network branding and that goes straight to the nutsacks in charge of the SyFy network.

Syfy Executives Lose Their Mind

There are so many egregious examples of corporate ineptitude that I hardly have the time to list them all here. SyFy’s original programming has been in steady decline. Doctor Who and Torchwood rebroadcasts certainly propped-up their offerings for a while, but BBC America snatched new episodes for their own channel. Sanctuary is barely watchable and while Warehouse 13 and Eureka have some critical acclaim, they are largely forgettable. What is SyFy’s flagship program? Well now, it’s actually WWE Smackdown and that’s the biggest problem.

Before I get angry letters from pro-wrestling fans, I actually like the WWE, so save your breath. I realize that wrestling brings ratings to SyFy, but so would Dancing with the Stars and American Idol. Where do you draw the line? If you’re just looking for ratings at any cost then why not just create a cooking show with a science fiction theme? Oh… they did that?

SyFy executives are so anxious to spread their legs for anything that promises ratings that they have alienated their base (yes, I intended that one), and perhaps screwed away a decade of brand recognition. Seriously, what’s the difference between SyFy and any other network now? We should have seen the writing on the wall when they changed from “Sci-Fi” to “SyFy”.

Stargate: Universe suffered withering ratings because SyFy no longer had a flagship program, or even a predominant line-up that supported a loyal fan base. Science fiction fans didn’t leave Stargate: Universe, they fled SyFy, and will continue to do so.

The Death of Syfy

It’s with a heavy heart that I proclaim the death of the SyFy channel. As a sci-fi fan (small “s” and small “f”) I’m used to dealing with heartache over fat cats in leather chairs disrespecting the entertainment that I enjoy. However, the betrayal from what was, the network of science fiction and fantasy, is doubly pernicious because over the last decade sci-fi fans adopted the Sci-Fi Channel as our own guilty pleasure.

SyFy is the Sharktopus of cable television; a shitty pathetic knock-off enterprise, content to be nothing, to everyone. Congratulations SyFy, you have successfully captured the zeitgeist of the modern era. You have found a way to fragment and insult your loyal fans, and ultimately drive them to the internet, video games and anywhere else but your network.

I’m sorry to see SyFy become such a joke, but then again, I have so many other great entertainment options now it doesn’t really matter. Hollywood has discovered that geeks have deep pockets and a voracious appetite for fantasy and science fiction. It’s too bad that SyFy forgot that.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (Video)

Jimmy Kimmel’s Response to the Super Bowl Tim Tebow Ad (Video)

More Photos and Posters from Tron Legacy

We’ve still got a year to wait for “Tron Legacy” (December 17, 2010) but Disney has released some more promotional material for the film.

According to Disney, the new movie “is a 3D high-tech adventure set in a digital world that’s unlike anything ever captured on the big screen. Sam Flynn (Garrett Hedlund), the tech-savvy 27-year-old son of Kevin Flynn (Bridges), looks into his father’s disappearance and finds himself pulled into the digital world of Tron, where his father has been living for 25 years. Along with Kevin’s loyal confidant Quorra (Olivia Wilde), father and son embark on a life-and-death journey of escape across a visually-stunning cyber universe that has become far more advanced and exceedingly dangerous.”

Do you think they can pull off a sequel as cool as the original? Give me your opinion below.

Photos by Walt Disney Company

Television Review: “Terminator Salvation: The Machinima Series”

terminator-bloodgoodWhen I ran into “Terminator Salvation: The Machinima Series” animated short, I instantly thought back to the “Animatrix” and “Batman: Gotham Knight” animated shorts, which were exceptionally well done and offered some very talented animators the opportunity to play in the worlds of The Matrix and Batman. “Machinima” was offered via On Demand, at a slight discount, so I pulled the trigger on the purchase. While I won’t be getting my money back for that decision, I can certainly use the power of my 5 million hits a month, to make sure you don’t make that same mistake!

“Terminator Salvation: The Machinima Series” is a segmented computer animated series that follows Moon Bloodgood’s character Blair Williams as she looks for a “ghost” that is screwing up communications. What follows is a repetitive mundane story that literally put me to sleep. Frankly, if a hot chick gunfighting with robots can’t hold my attention then you’ve seriously got a problem!

What burns me most about this animated series has nothing to do with the writing. While watching “The Machinima Series” I couldn’t help but wonder why the animation was so exceptionally poor. The CGI looked like a video game. So, I got online and did a little research, and what do you know; it was created using the same graphics engine that the “Terminator: Salvation” video game used!

So, what we have in “Terminator Salvation: The Machinima Series” is an insult of the highest order; a poorly-written visual wreck offered to steal your money. If these episodes were given to the public as a free bonus, or part of a viral campaign, then I’d be the first guy to positively acknowledge the gesture. But this is a flagrant attempt to remove you from your hard earned money and both the creators of “Terminator: Salvation” and the executives of Warner Brothers should be ashamed of themselves.

While I can save you from wasting your money, the only thing that will truly square things with the Beefboy is a date with Moon Bloodgood. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

Television Review: “V”… or should it be called “O”?

morena-baccarin-v-tv-seriesAll good sci-fi uses the genre to explore current events, social and political issues in a way that allows the viewer to see the world in a new light. I’m not sure how this ever got past the network goons at ABC, but “V” has socialism, idol worship, a biased press and the Obama administration squarely in its sights! In fact, after seeing the first episode of “V”, the Beefboy is wondering if anyone has checked to see if Raum Emanuel has lizard skin beneath his human flesh suit!

Much like our socialist friends, the aliens in “V” are clearly reading Alinsky’s “Rules for Radicals”. They have infiltrated positions of power and influence all over the world. By the time the alien spacecraft show up, they have already laid the seeds to destroy the human race. The Visitors promise peace and are proud of their one world government. They come as our saviors, offering us their technology, and literally promising to give us “Universal Health Care!” And no, I’m not making this up.

The Visitors have a charismatic leader too. “Anna”, played by Morena Baccarin, is one of the hottest aliens of all time! As an aside, I tried to create a good Beefboy Gallery of Morena, but for some reason there are almost no hot photos of her available. I’m not sure how, or why, someone as outrageously sexy as Morena hasn’t done a shoot with every men’s magazine on the planet, but it just hasn’t happened Beefanatics… now back to the review.

Much like our own President Obama, Anna threatens to cancel an interview if she’s asked any questions which don’t paint her and the Visitors in a positive light. She’s a hit with the Middle East and Europe too, since she can speak all foreign languages concurrently. She loves being on TV almost as much as Obama, but seriously, not even a fictional alien can keep up with his media schedule.

Besides being the first program on mainstream television that is willing to be critical of our current administration, “V” is smart and sexy sci-fi. The actors do a good job with their roles, the writing is tight and the direction is solid. While “V” is not necessarily exceptional in any aspect, it is much better effort than ABC’s “Defying Gravity.” Most series get better over time when the writers and actors find their voices. If “V” continues to improve (and it could go either way) then it could aspire to excellence.

I can see the possibilities of developing the plot of the “human ambassadors” who are enamored with the Visitors and will be asked to spy on their fellow man. The human resistance (Tea Party types) will have to ride the line between opposing the Visitors while having to fight their own media and government. The traitor Visitors, who sympathize with the humans, are another aspect that holds a lot of potential. Needless to say, there is a lot of room for intrigue and biting commentary, if ABC and the creators have the balls to follow through with the promise of their pilot episode.

And to the executives at ABC: If you can get Morena Baccarin in some lingerie for a Maxim magazine spread, it wouldn’t exactly hurt your ratings. Hell, send her over the Beefcave and I’ll take some pictures of her! Just saying…

Prince of Persia Movie Trailer

Okay, this seriously looks fucking cool…

Tell me what you think.

Prince of Persia

Directed by: Mike Newell

Written by:
Jordan Mechner

Starring:
Jake Gyllenhaal,
Gemma Arterton,
Ben Kingsley,
Alfred Molina
Music by: Harry Gregson-Williams

Release Date:
May 28, 2010

Tricia Helfer and Grace Park show up in sexy Maxim photos!

helfer-park

A couple of months ago, in the Beefboy’s Top 25 Sci-fi Babes of 2009 article, I placed Tricia Helfer as my number one pick and Grace Park as number ten. Well, the boys and girls at Maxim magazine know a good thing when they see it so they got BOTH Tricia Helfer and Grace Park together for a photo shoot that’s hot as a supernova, and an interview about SyFy’s upcoming Battlestar Gallactica special “The Plan”.

I have a few photos here (plus a video), but I encourage you to visit the Maxim site or to pick up the latest issue to see and read more.

Clone Wars Restoring the Force to the Star Wars Universe

mace3

Last night’s second episode of Star Wars: Clone Wars made me feel like I was seven years old again. If seeing Obi Wan Kenobi and Mace Windu kicking ass together doesn’t stir something within you then you’re either not a Star Wars fan or you don’t have a pulse. The finale of the episode complete with saving babies while a secret base crumbles into lava is the culmination of everything that George Lucas intended back when he created Star Wars as a modern version of the Flash Gordon serials.

Clone Wars is so good that it threatens to overshadow the source material it was pulled from in the first place. It’s easily better than the recent trilogy of movies. The aging Star Wars universe is experiencing a small bit of revitalization through this animated series. Lucas would be wise to take that momentum and do the same thing that saved Roddenberry’s universe… hand over the keys to the kingdom.

Photos: Drew Barrymore and Ellen Page Kiss

The latest issue of Marie Clair magazine has a photoshoot that features Ellen Page and Drew Barrymore locking lips! They are promoting their new movie about rollergirls called “Whip It”. Photos and trailer are below.

Robert Rodriguez to Produce Predator Movie

predator-rodriguez20th Century Fox has followed the announcement of Ridley Scott directing a new Alien film by attaching Sin City’s Robert Rodriguez to a new $40 million Predator film. Rodriguez will produce and is writing the film with Alex Litvak and Michael Finch. Nimród Antal, who directed Vacancy is set to helm the new film.

After the last two Aliens Versus Predator films, it looks like Fox executives have finally woken up and realized that insulting fans is no way to make filthy cash! Rodriguez is a brilliant choice and could actually make the best Predator film yet. Antal did a solid job on Vacancy, so Predators is in good hands all around.

Predators is currently scheduled for a July 7, 2010 release.

Bryan Singer Eyes New Battlestar Gallactica Film

bryan_singer_battlestar_galacticaHitfix.com has reported that Universal hired Bryan Singer to do another re-boot of Battlestar Gallactica. Bryan Singer was just three months away from his version of Battlestar shortly before September 11th, 2001 and executives at Sci-fi (SyFy) were reluctant to launch a series that started with a devastating sneak attack. Now Universal wants Singer to produce and maybe direct his own version for the big screen.

I’m not sure where this idea came from but there are so many things wrong with this, particularly right now, that I’m not sure if I have the time to quantify all of them.

First off, the best version of Battlestar Gallactica just wrapped up. You’ll never top it, and you’ll never get close. Yes, fans of the original series were cheesed-off because it was not a faithful rendition of the original version… which is exactly why it was so much fucking better! Do you really want to resurrect a little boy running around a battleship with a fuzzy robot dog during a time of war? Do you really want episodes where Starbuck has a gun fight with a Cylon in a western town? Seriously?!! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… the original Battlestar Gallactica got it’s re-imagining… it was called Galactica 80 and it sucked Daggit balls! ‘Nuff said!

Next… speaking of sucking Daggit balls, Bryan Singer is the new Franchise Killer (Joel Schumacher, the director of Batman and Robin and Batman Forever was the original Franchise Killer)! Singer left a successful X-Men movie franchise series to create the new Superman franchise series AND DESTROYED THEM BOTH IN THE PROCESS! Singer’s brilliant “vision” of Superman was a cuckolded pansy who never threw a punch and couldn’t say the line “Truth, Justice and the American Way!” The Man of Steel was reduced to using his x-ray vision to watch Lois get boned by some random fucking nutsack!

Bryan, you can take your Superman and cram him right up your ass! I think turning an American icon into a gelding is tantamount to treason!

I’ve got a suggestion for Singer and everyone else at Universal… do Battlestar Gallactica, your wallet, and our sanity a favor, and let it go. I refuse to believe that the human race has come to a point in our history where we’ve used up all the good movie ideas. Find something new to do with your time and money. Come up with a NEW CONCEPT. Is that too much to ask? If you don’t have any new ideas, then step aside for the fucking throng of creative people who have something fresh to offer.

What happened to the man who produced and directed The Usual Suspects? Find THAT Bryan Singer, get a new concept and then you’ve got something to be excited about.

Ridley Scott to Direct Alien 5

A companion-gripe to the focus of director James Cameron’s career over the past decade (read what I said about James Cameron), is the path of director Ridley Scott, who gave us two of the greatest sci-fi films of all time (Alien and Blade Runner), then chased after an Oscar for nearly thirty years. I don’t expect anyone to do one genre all the time, in fact I wish they wouldn’t, but when you helped define a genre, it would be nice if you’d visit there once and a while. I’m reminded of photographer Helmut Newton who spent his entire life taking photos of hot fetish women, then wanted us to get excited about his landscape photos late in life. Hey, if you need a break, fine, but don’t expect us to be excited by it.

alien11Variety magazine has reported that Ridley Scott is returning to his roots to resurrect the Alien franchise that has been trashed by a couple of run-ins with Predators. Alien 5 will be a prequel to the first Alien movie. It will be co-produced with brother Tony Scott and written by Jon Spaihts, who apparently was instrumental in pitching the concept to Ridley Scott. Needless to say, I’m excited beyond words to see what Scott does with Alien 5.

Perhaps even bigger news is the explosion of sci-fi scripts from Spaiths, who has ZERO listed writing credits on IMDB.com, yet has this Alien 5 film in production, plus a screenplay for Keanu Reeves’ “Shadow 19″ and space journey epic “Passengers.” Fox hired Spaiths to rewrite Timur Bekmambetov’s project “The Darkest Hour”, Disney hired him to write “Children of Mars” and will also write “St. George and the Dragon.”

Jon Spaihts better be buying Red Bull by the case to keep up with that schedule!

James Cameron’s Avatar Trailer

avatar2If you’ve read The Beefboy Rants for a while you know that I’ve been riding James Cameron for making Titanic then taking a dirt nap for twelve years while he boned model Suzi Amis and did deep sea dives and put his vacation footage on screen. So, it’s nice to see a return to FILMMAKING after a decade-plus absence.

Why do I care if that guy wants to sit on his millions of dollars and slam models for a living? Simply because, before Cameron cursed us with Titanic, he was instrumental in moving sci-fi forward three times in the 80′s and 90′s. Terminator forever changed the action and horror genres by giving us the multiple “death” scenes of the villain and taking us on a wild ride in the process. With Aliens, Cameron took a horror franchise and made it into one of the best action films of all time. Directors are still copying the scenes from Aliens after nearly 25 years. Finally, Cameron moved both sci-fi and the action film forward again with Terminator 2. People forget how amazing and revolutionary (and expensive) the morphing liquid metal Terminator was at the time. So excuse me for getting upset that someone with that track record made a sub-par romance movie for 13 year-old girls, and then fucked off for half a generation.

So… finally (FINALLY) Cameron returns to sci-fi movie making with the much anticipated Avatar. Friday night was “Avatar Night” at several IMAX theaters where the 3-D experience was in full effect with a number of clips from the film. Reaction is mixed, although it seems mostly positive. From looking at the trailer (below) I have two thoughts. It’s tough to pull off a realistic looking computer animated character who runs around with flesh and blood actors, and I think we’re still not there yet. Even Cameron can’t pull it off.

With that said, Avatar looks like an incredibly ambitious film and potentially a lot of fun if you can just get lost in the moment (most people who have seen the 3-D version say the experience is immersive). We’ll know for sure later this year when Avatar is released. Until then, enjoy the trailer, and tell me what you think below.

Movie Review: District 9

District9PosterIt was just a few days ago that I was lamenting the loss of the socially aware and poignant science fiction films of the late 60’s and 70’s. I felt that Moon was a welcome change from the soulless CGI/3-D effects extravaganzas that we have been treated to lately. Then I saw District 9. Suddenly, we have not only an anomaly, but a Movement!

District 9 is set in an alternate history where an alien spacecraft stalls over Johannesburg South Africa in the 1980’s. These aliens are not here to make contact or take over, they’re just lost! The nations of the world decide to house them in slums and assign a company called Multi National United to deal with the alien problem. After 20 years in District 9, the populace of Johannesburg wants the aliens as far away as possible and it’s up to MNU to relocate them. The task of removing the aliens is a mousy desk jockey named Wikus Van De Merwe (played by Sharlto Copley), who is oblivious to the tragedy around him.

District 9 relies a lot on the performance of Sharlto Copley, whose portrayal of Wikus is multi-faceted. As the protagonist, it’s difficult to like Wikus at times. He is weak and stupid and impulsive. It’s those characteristics that are played up throughout the movie and one of the aspects that makes District 9 such a compelling movie.

Director Neill Blomkamp, whose history is in special effects for Peter Jackson, has crafted a unique blend of handheld documentary-style footage that gradually gives way to standard storytelling. The early footage does an excellent job of setting up the situation and fully introducing you to Wikus and the aliens. Blomkamp’s experience with special effects is on full display with both the aliens and their weaponry. For a film that was made for around $30 million dollars, the effects are particularly tight, so much so, that you have to wonder why they couldn’t get Wolverine’s claws to look right in a much larger production.

It’s too easy to give kudos to Blomkamp for the effects though. The direction and editing is very sharp in District 9. The screenplay creates a highly plausible world and manages to both be an indictment on the human race, while also showing that good people can emerge from a bad situation. District 9 is smart and exciting. The pace is consistent and engaging. Plus, once we see those alien weapons in use, it’s literally a blast!

District 9 is a much bigger film that I expected, and far more exciting. While it may suffer box office because it doesn’t have any big name actors, that turns out to be one of the most powerful aspects of the movie. District 9 is not a typical predictable Hollywood offering, and that’s something that everyone should support. As a straight science-fiction action movie, it’s a great ride, but the underlying questions about the nature of man, about subjugation of the poor and the power of the individual make District 9 something truly unique.

Star Wars: Clone Wars – Season Two Preview

star-wars-clone-wars

Star Wars: Clone Wars on the Cartoon Network is the best incarnation of Star Wars since The Empire Strikes Back. Period. In fact, it’s the best thing that Lucas has had his name on for the past quarter of a century. Clone Wars is fun and clever, something the last three Star Wars movies seriously lacked. The Jedi battle scenes finally deliver what fans have been wishing for since Luke first turned on his father’s Light Saber.

And frankly, the cartoon version of Anakin Skywalker has more charisma than Hayden Christianson. That’s not necessarily a knock on Christianson. After all, Lucas managed to make Liam Neeson, Ewan McGreggor and Samuel L. Jackson into pieces of wood, and those guys are the best in the business!

The second season of Clone Wars is coming soon, and I can’t wait to see what they have in store for us! Here’s a preview of season two.

Movie Review: Moon

moon-movie-posterDirector Duncan Jones sat down with actor Sam Rockwell and reminisced about the sci-fi films of the late 60’s and 70’s. The result of that meeting was the film Moon. You can see the influences of 2001: A Space Odyssey, Silent Running, Soylent Green and others throughout the film, and yet Moon stands on its own quite well.

I’ve complained for years that we have lost the high-concept, socially-aware science fiction films of the 70’s, replaced by soulless special effects extravaganzas. Somewhere along the way, Hollywood forgot how to make a good small sci-fi film (of course there are exceptions, but they are rare). Moon is a very welcome return to that era, but the subject matter is very rooted in modern times.

Sam Rockwell plays “Sam Bell” an astronaut rapidly nearing the end of a three-year stint alone on the Moon. He’s homesick and mostly disconnected from Earth due to a satellite problem that occurred right after he arrived. An accident changes everything on the base and that plot twist has both you and Sam wondering what’s going on until the end.

While there are a few bit parts (and Kevin Spacey plays a talking computer like HAL), this is basically a one-man film, and Sam Rockwell does a great job with his performance. The direction of Moon is fairly straight-forward, but good and tight. Duncan Jones doesn’t try to outshine his own movie and that makes Moon even stronger. The soundtrack is also minimal but powerful, by the brilliant composer Clint Mansell, who is rapidly becoming a favorite.

What I like most about Moon are some things I can’t talk about because I’d spoil the movie for someone who hasn’t seen it, and I’d like to encourage you to see the movie. Among other things, the film deals with loneliness, the sanctity of life, your purpose in life and the morality of requiring one person to sacrifice for the greater good of society. I went to see this film with a friend and we had a great conversation afterward about these issues, and about the twists in the film. Any film that gives me that opportunity is truly high art.

The pacing of this film is similar to the films of the 70’s too, which I appreciate but some people will deplore, so I’m not suggesting that everyone run out and see Moon. However, if you miss the great science fiction films of the past and would like to see more smart sci-fi films, then seek out and support Moon.

As an aside, I’d like to point out that Duncan Jones’ next project is what he calls a “love letter” to Blade Runner. This guy is speaking my language!

Defying Gravity Review

Defying_Gravity_cast-thumb-550x412-21182

Last Sunday was the two episode premier of “Defying Gravity” on ABC’s primetime line-up. If you’ve been following the Beefboy for a while then you will know that I’m a big fan of science fiction, and I’m particularly supportive of the big networks taking a shot at primetime sci-fi. However, I have a lot of reservations about “Defying Gravity.”

The overarching plot of “Defying Gravity” is a six year trip to Venus by a ship full of astronauts. It’s clear that they are trying to evoke moments of “2001: A Space Odyssey” and “Lost”, and those are good role models to have, but, just like space travel, it’s not as easy as it looks.

While I appreciate the heights the writers and producers are trying to achieve, the actual dialogue on the first two episodes is very pedestrian. I do like how they are telling the story by mixing up the sequential nature of the show and I like the where they are going with some of the mystery elements. However, I think I’ve already figured the whole thing out, and that’s not good at all.

The writing is not helping their cast out either. While these actors are perfectly fine in their roles, no one stands out as being particularly charismatic or extraordinarily talented. They really need the gravitas of a salty-dog veteran actor to anchor the show and it’s just not there. The cast is plenty attractive, and that’s something, but it’s not enough.

I have some questions about the science on Defying Gravity. The special effects are thin, and the production design is uninspired. The science, effects and design all seem to be the result of a low budget. I don’t know how the Sci-Fi Channel (or SyFy now) can have exceptional effects and production on a show like “Battlestar Gallactica,” but a major network turns in such a sophomoric effort. I suspect that a low budget was the only way this series was going to get made, so I can forgive them for that transgression.

All of this means that “Defying Gravity” is unlikely to be defying gravity for much longer. I’m far more gracious with science fiction than the average viewer. When compared to other shows that were legitimately good out of the gate (like “Firefly”) “Defying Gravity” just doesn’t measure up. While I sincerely hate to deride a primetime science fiction series on a major network, I also don’t want to prop up a show that degrades the genre. It’s possible that this series will improve over time, but I really think the cast and crew of “Defying Gravity” are over their heads, by several million miles.

Tron Legacy High Definition Trailer Concept Art and Info

Tron LegacyI think it’s funny that just last week I made a mention of Tron when Walter Cronkite passed away. Now I have something more delicious to report. The buzz over the Tron sequel has reached a high pitch after a big push at this week’s Comicon and the release of a high definition trailer. Actually what Disney is giving us is more akin to a scene that was used to demonstrate what they can do with the Tron world now.

Look, I have no idea if Tron Legacy is going to be as much fun as the original Tron, and it most likely won’t be, but I can’t help being drawn back to my youth when I look at the footage they have released. Looks like both Jeff Bridges and Bruce Boxleitner have returned to their roles, and that’s a good sign. The STYLE of Tron is definitely in full effect, and that means that even if I’m unsatisfied with the new story, I’ll probably gobble up all the effects like I’m a Beef Lad again.

So, here’s all the goodies that I can find out there right now. There are a couple of websites, the official Disney site, and a viral site called Flynn Lives. There are some conceptual photos out there and, of course, that very cool trailer.

As Garth Marenghi says, “Enjoy.”

Official Tron Legacy Website
Flynn Lives Website

Here’s the links to the trailers from the Flynn Lives website:

Quicktime: 640 x 268 Download
Quicktime: 480 x 200 Download

Windows Media: 640 x 268 Download
Windows Media: 480 x 200 Download

High Definition: 1920 x 800 Download
High Definition: 1280 x 532 Download
High Definition: 852 x 352 Download

iPod: Download

Needless to say, all of these goodies, besides my own comments, are owned by Disney.

Twilight Offers New Vampires – Now with No Penis!

twilight_twilightRemember when vampires were the quintessential exemplar of manhood gone wild? They were dangerous, powerful, sexual and scary. So how have we screwed up one of the most enduring representations of male power? Sit back, relax, enjoy and let the Beefboy do, what the Beefboy does best… and that’s break it right on down for you!

In the new tradition of destroying anything even remotely masculine, I’d like to introduce… the vampires from Twilight! With Twilight, we’ve managed to remove all that in favor of political correctness and warm fuzzy emo bullshit.

The vampires from Twilight are angst-ridden, vegetarian, baseball-playing pansies. The Twilight vampires walk around during the day, live in a big metrosexual eco-house and eternally attend High School! Riddle me this Batman: If you were a vampire, who was a century old, and you eternally hopped from one High School to another, what does that make you? Cool? Or a fucking centennial pervert?

And instead of burning to dust, how does a vampire in Twilight react to direct sunlight? They sparkle!

THEY FUCKING SPARKLE!!!

The protagonist male vampire is prettier than his human female counterpart and wears twice as much lipstick! He can’t even kiss her without recoiling in terror! And just to make sure that he plays to every woman’s fantasy of the pussy-whipped gelding, the icing on the cake is that he reads minds. Don’t worry ladies, this vampire will remember your birthday (and give you the perfect gift), he’ll know immediately what’s wrong in a fight and he’ll take out the fucking trash without being asked!

Poppycock! Or more like… NO COCK!

The full and total emasculation of vampires in Twilight is akin to dressing Darth Vader in a pink tutu or giving Shaft erectile dysfunction! Anyone involved in the creation and propagation of any incarnation of Twilight should be arrested and tried for assassination of the male mystique.

The thirteen year old girls who made the Twilight books and movie so popular are going to wish their vampires had balls when they grow up.

Dig it!

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