Category Archives: Nutsack of the Moment

Nutsack of the Moment: Pat Robertson

pat-robertsonPat Robertson is a real nutsack’s nutsack. He’s been a babbling idiot for a good long time actually. So it should be a surprise to no one when he opened his maw last week and proclaimed that the tragedy in Haiti was due to a pact with the Devil. I could go on a decades-long list of stupid shit that Pat Robertson has said, but what’s the point?

Look, Pat Robertson is a gold-Cadillac-driving greasy pimp, whoring out the name of Jesus. He plies money out of the gullible to fund his lifestyle by selling fantasy and fear. An interview with Pat Robertson is a mash-up of Twilight hysteria and the childish lunacy of Yo Gabba Gabba! Why anyone allows Robertson’s opinion to be expressed on any subject, unless the express purpose is for guilty giggles, is beyond me. Robertson needs a staycation for his soul.

So congratulations to Pat Robertson for proving, once again, that he is the Nutsack of the Moment!

Speaker Nancy Pelosi: The Beefboy’s 2009 Nutsack of the Year!

Nancy-Pelosi

It says a lot about our biggest problems when the Nutsack of the Year Award goes to a member of Congress, for the second year in a row (2008 went to Representative Barney “the Hutt” Frank)! This year, the Beefboy gives the prestigious Nutsack of the Year Award to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.

Speaker Pelosi gained this distinguished award due to her position in Congress and her steadfast dedication to bringing socialism to America while destroying capitalism. She called the CIA liars (they were not). She is also the Beefboy’s Nutsack of the Year because she was at the forefront of comparing the Tea Party protesters to Nazis and gave a weepy disingenuous speech about how they reminded her of the violence of the 60’s (despite the fact that there was no violence AND the fact that liberals were responsible for violence in the 60’s). Pelosi is the biggest spender of all time! Pelosi makes the fiscal policy of Paris Hilton look like Ben Stein! More than one time this last year, I seriously questioned her sanity after a media stop. There is partisanship, and then there is an absolute disregard for reality… and Pelosi is squarely in the Wonderland camp!

Finally, even if you are a supporter of the liberal tax and spend and socialize policies that Pelosi pushed through the House in 2009, you should be aware that she is the greatest threat to Obama’s power and longevity in the White House. She has shown her ass to world by breaking records for spending money we don’t have and pushing us toward Chavez-style socialism. The full court press to make this country a liberal utopia woke up both the conservatives and the moderates of this country in a way that hasn’t been alive since President Carter was in office. If Obama wanted change, he’s about to see it at the voting booths this November and it’s all thanks to Nutsack of the Year Nancy Pelosi!

Nancy Pelosi is both a threat to and a disgrace to America. She is a rabid liberal idiot, hell-bent on policies that will bankrupt the country. She’s a partisan hack who ignores all of her own constituents, except for the most hardcore left. She is the Beefboy’s Nutsack of the Year for 2009. Congratulations Nancy! You’ve earned it!

Nutsacks of the Moment: The Salahis

Party CrashingLast week, Michaele and Tareq Salahi went to a White House state dinner that they were not invited to. I waited a few days to comment on this because I wanted to see how it shook out before I made my opinion known. I think the verdict is in… they tried to get an invite, but when they didn’t, they went anyway, played party crashers and even met the President.

Yes, this is an indictment on the Secret Service and even the President himself for this breach in security. Obviously the President wasn’t in harm’s way from the Salahis but that’s beside the point. If they got in, so could someone with ill intent. Clearly, both the Secret Service and the President is embarrassed at their mistake, so they would like to see this story buried. I have a different request though.

Long before this incident, the Salahis have gained a reputation for attending events they were not invited to. They also are trying to get on some stupid fucking reality show about the housewives of D.C. The Salahis are serial narcissists. Fuck them. The Salahis are the Beefboy’s Nutsacks of the Moment!

I see absolutely no difference between the parents of the Balloon Boy and the Salahis. They both think the world owes them fame and they don’t care what laws they break, or whose lives they put in danger to achieve that fame. It’s fame at all costs and it must be punished. I want to see the Salahis get prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law and forced to do time in the worst jail we can find… in Bolivia.

Let’s give them the fame they seek and take photos and videos of them strolling into their jail cells and becoming some drug addict’s bitch! Then we can do a reality series showing all the other fucking publicity whores what happens when you do anything to be famous. In fact, let’s throw the Balloon Boy’s parents in there too!

Reality Jail! This spring on A&E!

Nutsack of the Moment: Richard Heene – Balloon Boy’s Dad

RichardHenneLast week, authorities say Richard Heene, and others, created a hoax involving his entire family pretending that his son was trapped inside a weather balloon. Of course Richard Heene is a nutsack, as well as any of the adults involved in this hoax, but the reason he is a nutsack goes far beyond creating the hoax. The reason Heene and his co-conspirators are the Beefboy’s Nutsacks of the Moment are because he tied up emergency services, courted worldwide media attention, committed multiple crimes and put his family at risk… all because he craved fame.

In fact, I see no difference between high school losers who literally kill for media attention and Richard Henne who wanted to be a household name so bad that he would do anything and risk anything just to be famous. He should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, locked up and forgotten forever.

In a society that is increasingly filled with lazy people who expect recognition for doing absolutely nothing, Richard Henne is the Poster Boy of Irrelevance. Instead of being interesting, or talented, or working hard, he chooses to take a short cut with no regard for who he hurts in the process: only fame and egotism matter. Richard Heene is nearly the most vile and contemptible piece of shit that exists.

The only thing worse are those in government who do the same.

Nutsack of the Moment: Kanye West

taylor-swift-kanyeKanye West has always been kind of a Nutsack’s Nutsack- a real old-fashioned connoisseur of Nutsackology. But this latest stunt on the MTV Video Music Awards where he grabbed the microphone away from little Taylor Swift and humiliated her on stage, is a whole new low for Kanye.

First off, Kanye is shorter than Taylor Swift, I think she could have taken him… I’m just saying. Secondly, even if you think that Taylor Swift winning that award was unjustified, it’s not her fault! Only a Giga-Nutsack, would ruin Taylor Swift’s moment in front of that crowd and the world. Only a repulsive bottom-feeding egotistical shitball would insert himself into that acceptance speech.

Thanks Kanye West! You’ve lowered the bar on being a nutsack. Again.

Nutsack of the Moment: Scotland’s Justice Minister and More

libyaRecently, the terrorist convicted of the 1988 Lockerbie airline attack, was given a hero’s welcome in Libya. He had been released last week from his prison cell in Scotland, due to what the Scottish Justice Minister described as “compassion,” because he had terminal cancer. I have to ask, where is the compassion for the 250 people this bottom-feeding ass nugget ruthlessly killed? Where is the compassion for the families that lost their loved ones? Where is the compassion for justice?

Terrorists don’t get rich. They don’t get chicks. The only thing that terrorists aspire to is the glory of their evil act. By releasing that piece of shit before he died, alone in his cell, Scotland gave him the one moment he has dreamed of since committing his cowardly act. They gave him the glory.

It’s too easy to just call Scotland’s Justice Minister a nutsack. While he is undoubtedly involved, there is no way that he acted alone. The nutsacks involved here go to the highest levels of Scotland’s government, so they share the Nutsack of the Moment title too. However, we’re hearing now that Britain’s Prime Minister Gordon Brown and perhaps even the fucking Queen may be involved as well! Why you ask? Because Libya has oil. And releasing one terrorist to get sweet deal on some sweet crude can turn almost anyone into a raving nutsack!

Let’s get this straight, because we may have a damn cluster of nutsacks here. Anyone involved in this from Scotland to England to Libya are my Nutsacks of the Moment. I’ll update here as soon as we know more!

Glenn Beck: Nutsack of the Moment

glenn_beckThe term “racist” ranks right up there with the word “Nazi” with being used so often and for things that are so trivial, that they no longer have any meaning whatsoever. It’s the fault of all the people who want to demonize someone or something, without having to actually PROVE anything. It’s a short-cut for retards that have no argument in the first place.

So it’s with great displeasure that I must make Glenn Beck the Beefboy’s Nutsack of the Moment due to calling President Obama a “racist”. Beck has a keen insight into the workings of government, and does a great job of playing watchdog over a government this is far beyond the confines of the Constitution. Unfortunately, when he calls President Obama a “racist” it becomes a diversion from the message, a message that I often agree with.

Sure, there are certainly legitimate racists (and real Nazis), but those terms have been used to describe anyone who didn’t vote for Obama in the first place, or who disagrees with his policies, or attend a Tea Party. I get the irony of calling Obama a racist, since his most retarded supporters use that tactic to shut down discussion of something they can’t defend. But, I hate that tactic coming from the left, so I refuse to accept it coming from the right.

Besides, Obama is HALF WHITE! I’m not going to go through a list justifying why our President is not a racist, and I shouldn’t have to. It’s fucking stupid.

Glenn Beck, shame on you! You should know better. Stick to the facts. The facts are much harder to dismiss.

Nutsack of the Moment: Senator Barbara Boxer

boxer_barbaraBarbara Boxer, Senator from California, was recently in the news for telling Brigadier General Michael Walsh that calling her “ma’am” was not acceptable. Then, this week, Boxer took a smackdown from Harry C. Alford, CEO of the National Black Chamber of Commerce for her condescending attitude and what Alford alleges is racism.

Frankly Barbara Boxer is a salt and vinegar vagina (how do you like that title Babs?) and is a good example of the type of legislator who has grown too big for her panties and needs to be excised at the polls. Being a Senator just means that you’re our glorified servant, and over the past 20 years has lost every semblance of honor or prestige, particularly because of people like Barbara Boxer.

For that reason and many more, I’d like to congratulate Senator Barbara Boxer for being the Beefboy’s Nutsack of the Moment. Videos of her recent transgressions follow…

Sally Kern and Why Republicans are Stupid

sally_kernOklahoma state representative Sally Kern gathered with some Holy Rollers in the rotunda of the Oklahoma legislature this last weekend and gave the world a “Proclamation For Morality,” sang some hymns and sacrificed a goat – or something. The gist of the piece (below) was a litany of quotes from our Founding Fathers about God and some spurious and fallacious statements about the connection between morality and gays and the economy (no, I’m not making that up, again you can read it at the end of my article). So what is the role of religion in government and in the Republican party? Sit back, relax, enjoy, and let the Beefboy do, what the Beefboy does best… and that’s break it right on down for you!

Sally Kern, and her desire to create law “by The Book”, is a relic of a bygone age. I keep hoping that Natural or Un-Natural Selection will rid us of the Religousaurus in politics, but we haven’t had a good extinction-level event yet. Let me say that I have no problem at all with Sally and her ilk delivering a “Proclamation For Morality” from her local church, or sacrificing goats for that matter, but when you bring that silliness into a legislative body, then you insult the Founding Fathers who fought so hard to keep us from having wizards, clerics and popes dictate law.

Frankly Sally, if you want religion in your government, then you should look into a move to Iran. They’re big on morality too! You’ll love it! Of course, you’ll have no freedom whatsoever and you’ll have no rights as a woman, but by Allah… you’ll have some fucking morality!!!

Meanwhile, let’s look at the bigger picture. Sally Kern is one reason (but only one!) that Republicans are stupid. Over the past nine months, starting with Bush and the Democratic Congress, and continuing with Obama, they have spent money like Paris Hilton on vacation in Paris, France. The nutsacks in charge have expanded the spending and the role of government like never before, rapidly creating a socialist utopia that will enslave and impoverish the United States in record time.

If you are in the opposition party (unfortunately we only have two legitimate parties), now is the time to be the voice of REASON. Republicans have an opportunity to gain ground by appealing to people who are upset at the explosion of government spending and a government who is creeping far outside of the limits imposed by our Constitution. Instead, you have Republican Governor Mark Sanford travelling to Venezuela to fuck hot Latinas, Republican Governor Sarah Palin quitting her job mid-stream because only “dead fish go with the flow” and Sally Kern wagging her finger at us because women are not wearing burkas in strip clubs. Sally and the gang are focused on bullshit and other Republican leaders are doing everything under the sun to undermine the most important message.

Republican stupidity is stunning! You’d think after getting their pious ass reamed in the congressional elections of 2006, or the presidential elections of 2008, that the GOP would consider dropping bullshit like “Proclamations of Morality” and try to appeal to people who want LESS GOVERNMENT! Some people never learn and I could care less if Republicans ever get in power again, as long as we get a viable third party who can focus on what’s important instead of devising new ways for government to spend my money or tell me what to do.

And finally, to Sally and her supporters, I leave you with the words of Jesus, who said, “Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s, and unto God the things that are God’s.”

Dig it! Amen.

- The Beefboy

Oh, and Sally, I’m also making you the Beefboy’s Nutsack of the Moment. Congratulations!

SALLY KERN’S OKLAHOMA CITIZEN’S PROCLAMATION FOR MORALITY

We the People of Oklahoma, Invoking the guidance of Almighty God, in order to
secure and perpetuate the blessing of Liberty; to secure just and rightful Government; to promote
our mutual Welfare and Happiness, do establish this proclamation and call upon the people of the
great State of Oklahoma, and our fellow Patriots in these United States of America who look to
the Lord for guidance, to acknowledge the need for a national awakening of righteousness in our
land.

WHEREAS, “It is Religion and Morality alone, which can establish the Principles upon
which Freedom can securely stand” (John Adams); and

WHEREAS, “We have no government armed with power capable of contending with
human passions unbridled by Religion and Morality” (John Adams); and

WHEREAS, “Our Constitution was made only for a Moral and Religious people” (John
Adams); and

WHEREAS, “We have staked the whole future of American civilization, not upon the
power of government…but upon the capacity of mankind for self-government, upon the capacity
of each and all of us to govern ourselves, to control ourselves, to sustain ourselves according to
the Ten Commandments of God” (James Madison); and

WHEREAS, “Freedom is not a gift bestowed upon us by other men, but a right that
belongs to us by the laws of God (Benjamin Franklin); and

WHEREAS, “God who gave us life gave us liberty and can the liberties of a nation be
thought secure when we have removed their only firm basis, a conviction in the minds of the
people that these liberties are of the Gift of God” (Thomas Jefferson); and

WHEREAS, “Whether any free government can be permanent, where the public
worship of God, and the support of Religion, constitute no part of the policy or duty of the state”
(Joseph Story); and

WHEREAS, “We hold sacred the rights of conscience, and promise to the people…the
free and undisturbed exercise of their religion” (Roger Sherman); and

WHEREAS, “This great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians”
(Patrick Henry); and

WHEREAS, “When you…exercise the right of voting for public officers, let it be
impressed upon your mind that God commands you to choose just men who will rule in the fear of
God” (Noah Webster); and

WHEREAS, “The principles of genuine Liberty and of wise laws and administrations
are to be drawn from the Bible” (Noah Webster); and

WHEREAS, the people of Oklahoma have a strong tradition of reliance upon the
Creator of the Universe; and

WHEREAS, we believe our economic woes are consequences of our greater national
moral crisis; and

WHEREAS, this nation has become a world leader in promoting abortion,
pornography, same sex marriage, sex trafficking, divorce, illegitimate births, child abuse, and
many other forms of debauchery; and

WHEREAS, alarmed that the Government of the United States of America is forsaking
the rich Christian heritage upon which this nation was built; and

WHEREAS, grieved that the Office of the president of these United States has refused
to uphold the long held tradition of past presidents in giving recognition to our National Day of
Prayer; and

WHEREAS, deeply disturbed that the Office of the president of these United States
disregards the biblical admonitions to live clean and pure lives by proclaiming an entire month to
an immoral behavior;

NOW THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED that we the undersigned elected officials
of the people of Oklahoma, religious leaders and citizens of the State of Oklahoma, appealing to
the Supreme Judge of the world, solemnly declare that the HOPE of the great State of Oklahoma
and of these United States, rests upon the Principles of Religion and Morality as put forth in the
HOLY BIBLE; and

BE IT RESOLVED that we, the undersigned, believers in the One True God and His
only Son, call upon all to join with us in recognizing that “Blessed is the Nation whose God is the
Lord,” and humbly implore all who love Truth and Virtue to live above reproach in the sight of God
and man with a firm reliance on the leadership and protection of Almighty God; and

BE IT RESOLVED that we, the undersigned, humbly call upon Holy God, our
Creator, Sustainer, and Redeemer, to have mercy on this nation, to stay His hand of judgment,
and grant a national awakening of righteousness and Christian renewal as we repent of our great
sin.

Signed on the second day of July in the year of our Lord Christ Two Thousand and Nine.

Jessica Alba: Nutsack of the Moment and Chick of the Moment

jessica_albaJessica Alba, why the fuck did you paste shark posters in downtown Oklahoma City? Are you aware that OKC is landlocked about 6000 miles away from the open sea? Are you aware that defacing billboards for one cause (the United Way) for your cause (dwindling shark population) destroys any sympathy you might have gained?

Also, the Beefboy must ask, why would you have your photo taken next to your crime and then blog about it? Jessica, do any of your decisions on that evening sound like something a sane adult would do?

For all of those reasons, Jessica Alba, you are the Beefboy’s Nutsack of the Moment.

One last note. If you weren’t a hot Hollywood celebrity, would the cops have let you off without a charge? I have to wonder what would happen if the Beefboy went and did the same exact stunt right now, what would happen.

As I said Jessica, you’re hot, so here’s some photos to demonstrate why we put up with your idiocy, which also makes you the Beefboy’s Chick of the Moment!

Barney Frank – Nutsack of the Year!


Congratulations to Senator Barney Frank, the second annual Nutsack of the Year Award Winner! Want to know why? Simply put, Senator Barney Frank is the person in government who is the most responsible for the economic crisis we are currently in, was one of the people in the best position to see this coming and is currently the person who is bitching the most! So for that reason and for many, many others, congratulations to Barney Frank for being the 2008 Nutsack of the Year!

That Team of Doctors

Originally Published: February 5th, 2009

Octuplets

My initial thought was to call the woman who had a litter of eight children my Nutsack of the Moment. But on further introspection, the real Nutsack of the Moment is the team of doctors who created this atrocity in the first place!

Let the Beefboy take a step back and make sure we’re all on the same page before I start tearing assholes wide open. The Californian woman in question had eight children due to in-vitro fertilization. This means that some doctor, or a team of doctors, placed EIGHT FERTILIZED EGGS into her cooch! Furthermore, the woman in question had no husband to assist with these eight children, AND she already had six rug rats!

Blaming the woman for having eight extra children, on top of the six she already had, is a lot like getting mad at cat ladies who own more than three cats. Yes, she’s a fucking dumbass, but she’s not a nutsack. No the nutsack, or cadre of nutsacks, starts with the doctor who put eight fertilized eggs in this woman, the team of doctors who did not question this practice, the government that allowed this child abuse to happen and the friends and family of the woman and anyone else who knew this was going on and didn’t say anything! That’s a damn village of nutsacks for you Beefanatics!

Everyone who was knowingly involved in this tragedy should be fired, disbarred, defrocked, shamed, or otherwise negated with extreme prejudice. I don’t ever want to hear about this happening again. Those poor children deserve a better fate than the one they were born into.

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