I think the NFL has some sort of event going on Sunday, but for the real action, look no further than this year’s Lingerie Bowl! The 2010 Lingerie Bowl, the Lingerie Football League’s signature event, will air during the Super Bowl XLIV halftime show on Sunday, February 7.

Want to know more? Visit the official LFL site here.

Enjoy the pre-game photos below:

The Beefboy thinks Lily Cole is delicious! The British supermodel was engineered with a platinum list of the Beefboy’s Babe Bona-Fides, so she’s my Chick of the Moment!

Redhead: Check
Skyscraper Tall: Check
Abnormally Thin: Check
Transparently Pale: Check
Weirdo: Check
Linked with Marilyn Manson: Check
Thinks Nudity is Art: Check

I’m asking too much to expect her to be a fan of Star Wars: Clone Wars, or to play video games, so I’m not pushing it (that’s why Lily Cole will not upset Adrianne Curry and Alex Sim-Wise at the top of my list). Still, she impressed my favorite film director Terry Gilliam, so that means she’s close to the Beefboy’s inner sanctum.

Below, I’ve got a great set of nude, semi-nude and sexy photos of Lily Cole to warm your cockles during this outrageously freezing January.

I realize what I go nuts over is contrary to what most guys and girls do, so chime in and set me straight in my comments section!

It says a lot about our biggest problems when the Nutsack of the Year Award goes to a member of Congress, for the second year in a row (2008 went to Senator Barney “the Hutt” Frank)! This year, the Beefboy gives the prestigious Nutsack of the Year Award to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.

Speaker Pelosi gained this distinguished award due to her position in Congress and her steadfast dedication to bringing socialism to America while destroying capitalism. She called the CIA liars (they were not). She is also the Beefboy’s Nutsack of the Year because she was at the forefront of comparing the Tea Party protesters to Nazis and gave a weepy disingenuous speech about how they reminded her of the violence of the 60’s (despite the fact that there was no violence AND the fact that liberals were responsible for violence in the 60’s). Pelosi is the biggest spender of all time! Pelosi makes the fiscal policy of Paris Hilton look like Ben Stein! More than one time this last year, I seriously questioned her sanity after a media stop. There is partisanship, and then there is an absolute disregard for reality… and Pelosi is squarely in the Wonderland camp!

Finally, even if you are a supporter of the liberal tax and spend and socialize policies that Pelosi pushed through the House in 2009, you should be aware that she is the greatest threat to Obama’s power and longevity in the White House. She has shown her ass to world by breaking records for spending money we don’t have and pushing us toward Chavez-style socialism. The full court press to make this country a liberal utopia woke up both the conservatives and the moderates of this country in a way that hasn’t been alive since President Carter was in office. If Obama wanted change, he’s about to see it at the voting booths this November and it’s all thanks to Nutsack of the Year Nancy Pelosi!

Nancy Pelosi is both a threat to and a disgrace to America. She is a rabid liberal idiot, hell-bent on policies that will bankrupt the country. She’s a partisan hack who ignores all of her own constituents, except for the most hardcore left. She is the Beefboy’s Nutsack of the Year for 2009. Congratulations Nancy! You’ve earned it!

It’s possible that this website is the only thing standing between me and a heart attack. I’ve been screaming at friends, the television and radio for the past few days about the Crotch Bomber on the Christmas Day Northwest flight. Now it’s time for me to get this off my chest and scream at you. So sit back, relax, enjoy, and let the Beefboy do, what the Beefboy does best… and that’s break it right on down for you.

The biggest issue that I have is that the Crotch Bomber was on a terrorist watch list. His father informed us in November 2009 that his son had become a card-carrying terrorist. Despite the warning, the Crotch Bomber received a travel visa from the USA and walked on board the plane without even being searched or questioned.

What we have Beefanatics, is the illusion of security bolstered by the burlesque performance we must go through at the airport, instead of real security that would require Homeland Security Secretary Napolitano and President Obama to actually do their job. The bottom line is, you are not safe from terrorism until we nut-up and stop being politically correct. As Obama is fond of saying, let me be clear, I’m not letting Bush off the hook either. Many of the problems we have with security were started under the Bush Administration and are only being exacerbated under Obama.

Janet Napolitano, Homeland Security Secretary, was one of Obama’s first appointments. She’s been on the job for a little under one year and has demonstrated that she is far more concerned with hurting terrorist’s feelings than she is with protecting America and its guests. Her first acts were to change the word “terrorist” to “man-caused disaster”, and change “the Global War on Terror” to “the Overseas Contingency Operation”. Thank God she took care of that – right? She also scuttled the color warning code (okay that actually was a useless piece of shit).

So let me ask you these questions. If you were appointed as the nation’s chief of security would your first priority be to change the language of the previous administration? How does changing these words make you and me safer? Does it sound like security is Napolitano’s first concern or is politics the first concern? As Billy Mays would say… don’t answer that; there’s more!

When the Fort Hood terrorist killed 13 and injured over 30 people, Napolitano’s official take was that this was the act of a crazy man with no political or religious motivations and most importantly not to “jump to conclusions.” Of course we soon discovered that he had direct communication with terrorists and exhibited political and religious extremism several years prior to his terrorist attack. The fact that he was a Muslim actually shielded him from being scrutinized by his military superiors or by the FBI, for fear of offending the little darling. Under Obama, political correctness is literally fatal.

Fast forward to this weekend when Napolitano made the rounds on the Sunday news programs. She beamed about the way passengers, crew and everyone else reacted to the botched attack. Her official take was how our security system worked “like clockwork.” Of course, when pressed on the massive failure of keeping the Crotch Bomber off the flight in the first place, she blamed it on Bush and said there would be a review. Way to absolve yourself of any responsibility Janet! Maybe you should have had a review when you took the job, instead of working so hard on new ways to say “terrorist”!

President Obama took a few moments on Monday (four days after the attack) to comment on his administration’s failure to protect the people on the Northwest flight. On one hand Obama says that this is an “isolated extremist” and on the other hand he vowed not to “rest until we find all who were involved and hold them accountable.” So which is it Mr. President? Did the man do this alone, or was he supported by a terrorist network?

We already know the answer to that and have for four fucking days! Al Qaeda took responsibility for the attack and the Crotch Bomber has ties to the Yemen terror network and to terrorists who were released from Guantanamo Bay. In fact, a British newspaper is reporting that there are another 25 men who have been trained to bomb airlines! And again, the man’s own father told us in November that he was a terrorist. If I know that, then the President knows that. Like Napolitano, Obama is bending over backward to downplay, obfuscate, omit and abdicate all responsibility for the terrorist attack.

Frankly, Obama and Napolitano think that you are too stupid to figure out that they are woefully inept at keeping us safe. Their reaction is to do some reviews and have travelers do a new song-and-dance routine when they fly. Among other things, airline passengers lose the ability to see their progress on seat monitors, must stay in their seat for the final hour of flight and must not have anything in their lap for the last hour. Apparently our leaders think terrorists can’t wear a watch and figure out how long they have left in their flight! Millions of travelers are being poked, prodded and punished for the actions of a handful of men, and it’s all for nothing.

Instead of real security, we have the illusion of security, solely for the purpose of making you feel safe, and only effective in harassing the innocent. What we need to do is eradicate political correctness and start dealing with terrorism with common sense, investigation and profiling. If, like the Fort Hood terrorist, you are well known for your radical views and the FBI is following your internet activities, you should be removed from the military, rather than promoted. If, like the Crotch Bomber, you end up on a terrorist watch list, you should be pulled aside and questioned and searched, before you ever get on a jet to the civilized world.

Does any of that sound extreme to you? Or rather, does it sound like the bare minimum that we should be doing to protect lives?

Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano has become the Illusionist-in-Chief, consumed with ways to gloss-over threats instead of eradicating them. President Obama is overly concerned with the feelings of our enemies instead of the security of this nation. He should fire Homeland Security Clown Napolitano immediately, wake up, and get serious about terrorism before there is a major attack on his watch, because brother… it’s coming.

I realize that would require Obama to get his lazy ass out of Hawaii and stay off the fucking golf course, but that shouldn’t be a problem for a man obsessed with change.

See? Since I got that off my chest, I feel much better!

Annalynne McCord is mostly known for her role on the new “90210″ series, but has also made appearances in “Nip/Tuck,” “Day of the Dead” and “Transporter 2.”

While that’s all well and good, what makes Annalynne McCord the Beefboy’s Chick of the Moment was her appearance on “The Tonight Show” with Conan O’Brian, where she proclaimed her love of the original “Star Wars” movies! She even has the good sense to put down the most recent three “Star Wars” movies because there was just too much CGI and not enough Han Solo.

So yes, loving Star Wars will get you on the Beefboy’s Chick of the Moment list.

How long until Danger Darling comments that Annalynne is too skinny? All I can say is that she’s going to look great in that Princess Leia slave girl outfit when she comes to the Beef Cave. Photos are below.

The Annalynne McCord Website

Uhmmm… wow! Even white boys got to shout- this baby’s got back!

Welcome to Maliah Michel, recent winner of Smooth magazine’s African-American man’s favorite model. Sexy Maliah, who appeared in videos for Busta Rhymes and The Game, beat internet pin-up Deelishis, singer Angel and even bust-out hottie Vida Guerra to win the top spot in the Smooth Girl 100 list.

If you want to see more of Maliah (and I know you do) please visit her official site and friend her on MySpace.

Official Maliah Michel Website
Maliah Michel MySpace Page

Here’s some photos and a couple of videos so you can get to know Maliah better!

A couple of months ago, in the Beefboy’s Top 25 Sci-fi Babes of 2009 article, I placed Tricia Helfer as my number one pick and Grace Park as number ten. Well, the boys and girls at Maxim magazine know a good thing when they see it so they got BOTH Tricia Helfer and Grace Park together for a photo shoot that’s hot as a supernova, and an interview about SyFy’s upcoming Battlestar Gallactica special “The Plan”.

I have a few photos here (plus a video), but I encourage you to visit the Maxim site or to pick up the latest issue to see and read more.

Dita Von Teese proves why she’s still one of the hottest chicks on the planet with a new line of lingerie from Wonderbra. I’ve got a bunch of photos from the new collection, but frankly you should go visit the Dita Von Teese Wonderbra site because they have wallpapers, and music and an iPhone app, and honestly, some smokin’ hot lingerie!

Photos copyright Wonderbra. Enjoy.

Tila Tequila is in the news for all the wrong reasons right now (through no fault of her own). Well, the Beefboy hates to see anyone that hot in distress, so I’m encouraging the Beefanatics to go visit her sites and show her some support. If you’re not familiar with Tila, then first, turn off the NASCAR channel and get a life, and next check her out on her own personal site and her MySpace page where she became famous in the first place (an MTV dating series didn’t hurt her popularity either).

Tila Tequila’s sites and some photos are below.

Tila Tequila’s Hot Spot
Tila Tequila’s MySpace Page

If you’ve read The Beefboy Rants for a while you know that I’ve been riding James Cameron for making Titanic then taking a dirt nap for twelve years while he boned model Suzi Amis and did deep sea dives and put his vacation footage on screen. So, it’s nice to see a return to FILMMAKING after a decade-plus absence.

Why do I care if that guy wants to sit on his millions of dollars and slam models for a living? Simply because, before Cameron cursed us with Titanic, he was instrumental in moving sci-fi forward three times in the 80’s and 90’s. Terminator forever changed the action and horror genres by giving us the multiple “death” scenes of the villain and taking us on a wild ride in the process. With Aliens, Cameron took a horror franchise and made it into one of the best action films of all time. Directors are still copying the scenes from Aliens after nearly 25 years. Finally, Cameron moved both sci-fi and the action film forward again with Terminator 2. People forget how amazing and revolutionary (and expensive) the morphing liquid metal Terminator was at the time. So excuse me for getting upset that someone with that track record made a sub-par romance movie for 13 year-old girls, and then fucked off for half a generation.

So… finally (FINALLY) Cameron returns to sci-fi movie making with the much anticipated Avatar. Friday night was “Avatar Night” at several IMAX theaters where the 3-D experience was in full effect with a number of clips from the film. Reaction is mixed, although it seems mostly positive. From looking at the trailer (below) I have two thoughts. It’s tough to pull off a realistic looking computer animated character who runs around with flesh and blood actors, and I think we’re still not there yet. Even Cameron can’t pull it off.

With that said, Avatar looks like an incredibly ambitious film and potentially a lot of fun if you can just get lost in the moment (most people who have seen the 3-D version say the experience is immersive). We’ll know for sure later this year when Avatar is released. Until then, enjoy the trailer, and tell me what you think below.

Since we’re almost through the summer movie season and completely through last year’s television season, it’s time to take the first annual look at the Beefboy’s 2009 Top 25 Sci-fi Babes List! This last year heralded the end of several long-running science fiction shows, including Battlestar Gallactica and both incarnations of Stargate, which means that this list will face a big shake up next year. The introduction of Dollhouse brought us two entries and the re-launch of Star Trek brought us two entries.

The criteria I used was relative hotness, star power, importance in their roles and how prolific they were. I welcome your additions or thoughts in the comment section below. Tell me what you think about the Beefboy’s list of Scifi Babes!

1. Tricia Helfer – Tricia beat out Megan because she is absolutely all over the world of sci-fi! Of course she plays the slinky Number Six on Battlestar Gallactica, but Helfer also made appearances on Burn Notice, Warehouse 13, Chuck, and voice work in the Green Lantern and Spectacular Spider-man cartoons, plus in the upcoming Halo:ODST! Right now, Tricia Helfer is the Queen of Science Fiction.

Here is the Beefboy’s Gallery on Tricia Helfer.

2. Megan Fox – Megan Fox is easily one of the hottest women on the planet. Period. She burned up the screen in Transformers 2 and will soon appear in the Jonah Hex movie. She was rumored to be in talks to play Wonder Woman, but she said she wasn’t interested in that and furthermore played down the Transformers role that made her a star. Note to Megan and her agent: Take the sci-fi roles and keep your yap shut and you’ll have a decade of lucrative gigs. Ask Angelina Jolie what sci-fi has done for her.

Here is the Beefboy’s Gallery on Megan Fox.

3. Rhona Mitra – If Rhona Mitra was a bigger name then she could easily be at the top of this list. Super fit and smoldering, Mitra plied her trade in Underworld 3: Rise of the Lycans and in the punk fantasy Doomsday.

Here is the Beefboy’s Gallery on Rhona Mitra.

4. Zoe Saldana – It’s not easy to step into the role of a not only a sci-fi icon, but also an African American icon. Zoe Saldana brought a lot of class, and a lot of heat, to the role of Uhura in the Star Trek reboot. I wouldn’t be surprised to see her bust out given the attention everyone got from that film.

5. Rachel Nichols – This is definitely the summer of Rachel Nichols. She had the role of Gaila in Star Trek at the beginning of the summer and ends the summer with a lead role as Scarlette in the G.I.Joe film. Expect to see more and more of this stunning former model in the future.

Here is the Beefboy’s Gallery on Rachel Nichols.

6. Billie Piper – Bless Billie Piper for returning to her role of Rose Tyler on Dr. Who last season. She obviously found mainstream success with Secret Diary of a Call Girl (and given us some sexy scenes on there), but she’s not too big to return to the show that made her so famous. Billie is so damn pretty that it’s hard to look at her sometimes.

Here is the Beefboy Gallery for Billie Piper.

7. Eliza Dushku – Eliza Dushku fulfilled about half of the Beefboy’s fetishes in her first season of Dollhouse, so naturally I’m looking forward to the second season! We got lucky with the renewal, so if you’re not hooked into Dollhouse be sure to tune in next season. You’ll thank me.

Here is the Beefboy Gallery on Eliza Dushku.

8. Yvonne Strahovski – Since Chuck is such a geek, they sure know how to play to his (and our) own fantasies with the lovely Yvonne. Whether she’s in a skin-tight latex spy suit, or jeans and a t-shirt, this Aussie knows how to turn on that American girl-next-door charm.

9. Summer Glau – If I’ve got to have a Terminator chase me, I sure hope she looks like Summer Glau! Besides her run on The Sarah Conner Chronicles she appeared as herself in The Big Bang Theory and gave the geek squad another hot unattainable chick to “fight” over.

Here is the Beefboy’s Gallery on Summer Glau.

10. Grace Park –Battlestar Gallactica’s Boomer has been gracious enough to do shoots for several men’s magazines, which gets her near the top of the Beefboy’s list!

11. Kristin Kreuk – In addition to her recurring role as Lana Lang on Smallville this year, Kristin Kreuk played the title role in Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li.

12. Lena Headey – Lena Headey followed up a nude appearance in 300 then took MILF to another level while making the Sarah Conner character her own. Headey’s performance in Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles proves that strong can also be sexy.

Here is the Beefboy Gallery of Lena Headey.

13. Kandyse McClure – Yet another Battlestar Gallactica alum, Kandyse McClure may be more active in sci-fi than you know. She also made appearances on Sanctuary and Smallville last year. Kandyse is outrageously hot… I think it’s time for a starring role.

14. Hayden Panettiere – I can always tell when they are running episodes of Heroes the hits on my Hayen Panettiere gallery go through the roof. Young, pretty, and playing a cheerleader superhero are all a deadly combination.

15. Claudia Black – Look, I’m a fan of Claudia Black since her Farscape days, so she’s definitely making my list this year due to her work on the two Stargate movies Continuum and Arc of Truth, plus an appearance on Moonlight. She’s spunky and she’s got that amazing accent; can’t we get her in a regular series? Please?

16. Malin Ackerman – I imagine that most parents were aghast when they took their little darlings to see Hollywood’s latest superhero movie Watchmen and saw scenes of graphic violence, blue schlong and Malin Ackerman in, and out, of her latex costume.

17. Moon Bloodgood – Moon Bloodgood is one of the hardest working babes in sci-fi. Over the past year she had a starring role in Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, played Blair Williams in Terminator: Salvation and had a recurring role on USA’s Burn Notice.

18. Eve Myles –Merlin briefly pushed Eve Myles up to the top of my gallery hits list last month, but the real heat from Eve comes from her role as Gwen Cooper on the BBC’s Torchwood.

Here is the Beefboy Gallery on Eve Myles.

19. Jewel Staite – Jewel Staite has made a career of sci-fi and of playing “the nice girl”. Her role as Kaylee Frye, the sweet farm-girl/mechanic on Firefly, has been countered by playing the sweet Dr. Jennifer Keller on Stargate: Atlantis. Nice and sweet are not typically the Beefboy’s type, but I’ll make an exception for Jewel.

20. Kaley Cuoco – Yet another addition to the girl-next-door who dates a geek skein, Kaley Cuoco takes on a whole apartment full of sci-fi fanboys in The Big Bang Theory. Don’t dismiss Cuoco because of her radical cuteness, she’s got some powerful comic timing.

21. Anna Paquin – Anna Paquin has sci-fi street-cred from her X-men days, but she’s entering a whole new dimension with her sexy work as Sookie Stackhouse in HBO’s True Blood series.

22. Amanda Tapping – Amanda Tapping is practically sci-fi royalty. She’s played Samantha Carter on Stargate: SG1 and Stargate: Atlantis for a decade now. This year Amanda Tapping added to her sci-fi gravitas by playing the lead role of Helen Magnus on Sanctuary.

23. Ali Larter – Ali Larter has turned her regular gig on Heroes into an opportunity to star in the upcoming Resident Evil: Aftelife.

24. Hannah Spearitt – If you’ve seen Hannah Spearitt in her panties on Primeval, then you know why she’s on this list.

Here is the Beefboy Gallery on Hannah Spearitt.

25. Dichen Lachman – There’s a lot more going on in Dollhouse besides Eliza Dushku. Dichen Lachman, as Sierra, gets her share of juicy roles, but I’d certainly like to see her get more attention next season.

Did I miss some sci-fi hotties over the past year? Don’t like the order I put these babes in? Tell me your thoughts in the comment section below.

I think it’s funny that just last week I made a mention of Tron when Walter Cronkite passed away. Now I have something more delicious to report. The buzz over the Tron sequel has reached a high pitch after a big push at this week’s Comicon and the release of a high definition trailer. Actually what Disney is giving us is more akin to a scene that was used to demonstrate what they can do with the Tron world now.

Look, I have no idea if Tron Legacy is going to be as much fun as the original Tron, and it most likely won’t be, but I can’t help being drawn back to my youth when I look at the footage they have released. Looks like both Jeff Bridges and Bruce Boxleitner have returned to their roles, and that’s a good sign. The STYLE of Tron is definitely in full effect, and that means that even if I’m unsatisfied with the new story, I’ll probably gobble up all the effects like I’m a Beef Lad again.

So, here’s all the goodies that I can find out there right now. There are a couple of websites, the official Disney site, and a viral site called Flynn Lives. There are some conceptual photos out there and, of course, that very cool trailer.

As Garth Marenghi says, “Enjoy.”

Official Tron Legacy Website
Flynn Lives Website

Here’s the links to the trailers from the Flynn Lives website:

Quicktime: 640 x 268 Download
Quicktime: 480 x 200 Download

Windows Media: 640 x 268 Download
Windows Media: 480 x 200 Download

High Definition: 1920 x 800 Download
High Definition: 1280 x 532 Download
High Definition: 852 x 352 Download

iPod: Download

Needless to say, all of these goodies, besides my own comments, are owned by Disney.

In the second part of the Beefboy’s three part series on the girls of G.I. Joe, I focus on Czech model Karolína Kurková, best known as a former Victoria’s Secret Angel, and now an aspiring actress from My Sexiest Year and now as Courtney A. Kreiger/Cover girl in G.I Joe: The Rise of Cobra.

The way we consume media has changed radically over the past ten years and we’re only halfway to where we’re going. Where are we headed with television, movies and music, and how will that affect all of us? Sit back, relax, enjoy, and let the Beefboy do, what the Beefboy does best, and that’s break it right on down for you!

Last weekend I finished watching the complete Firefly series on DVD. As you probably know, Firefly got cancelled early in the run, so the complete series is only about half a season. I found myself wanting to talk to someone about how good Firefly was and what a tragedy that it was cut so short, but let’s face the facts, Firefly was axed in 2002 and I’m very late to that party.

When I was growing up, movies, music and television content was delivered at a specific time. If you wanted to see a movie or watch an episode on TV, then you lined up and viewed that feed right along with everyone else in the nation. We had a Shared Experience that could be analyzed obsessively near the coffee pot, or the flag pole, the next morning.

Now, with the explosion of cable television, the internet, satellite radio, On Demand movies, Netflix, the DVR, video games and the iPhone, there is more selection than ever and content is increasingly delivered at the whim of the consumer. The Shared Experience has nearly died due to the fragmentation of media and the method of delivery. While I was watching Firefly on DVD, others were listening to classic Led Zeppelin songs on their iPod, or playing Halo online, or streaming Tom Baker’s Dr. Who episodes on Netflix, or a myriad of other available options. What we have now is what Wired Magazine Editor in Chief calls “The Long Tail,” which is offering the most obscure content, right next to the most popular. Amazon.com is the poster boy for The Long Tail.

I want to point out that I love the new options, in fact, I want much more! Some movies have already opened concurrently in the theaters, online and on DVD, and there will continue to be a push in that direction. Big network television is in a freefall and will do anything to hold on to precious viewers, including offering their episodes online, on demand, and quickly through DVDs and Blueray. The music war has already been waged and Apple iTunes is the winner. I’m not sure if the consumer won the music war however. I don’t like any one entity in charge of large tracts of the media landscape.

Recently while the world stopped and everyone mourned the passing of Michael Jackson, the world also mourned the death of the Shared Experience. In the early 80’s Jackson’s rise was largely due to an upstart cable channel called Music Television and the Shared Experience of watching Thriller every hour on the hour along with everyone else in the world. Michael Jackson doing the Moonwalk on the Motown 25th Anniversary Special was seen at the same time by the vast majority of the television audience. That experience could not be duplicated today. Take your biggest young star right now, say Kanye West, and recognize that Michael Jackson sold 35 times more copies of Thriller than Kanye West’s last release. That’s the difference between the Shared Experience and the fractured media we have today.

The end result of all of these changes is that we’re going to have the entire world’s media content, in the format we choose, and at any moment we wish. That’s a great thing, and something well worth fighting for. However, we have to realize that as we achieve individual media nirvana, we sacrifice the opportunity to feel the connection with our fellow man through Shared Experiences, and the last thing we need right now is another reason to feel alone in this world.

Anyone want to talk about Firefly?

Dig it!
- The Beefboy

In my three part Girls of G.I. Joe Special the Beefboy focuses first on Rachel Nichols, who is an American model and actress, best known for her portrayal of CIA officer Rachel Gibson on the Alias TV series. She’s also starred in several films, including Dumb & Dumberer, The Amityville Horror, The Woods, Star Trek as an Orion, and now G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra as Shana “Scarlett” O’Hara.

Oklahoma state representative Sally Kern gathered with some Holy Rollers in the rotunda of the Oklahoma legislature this last weekend and gave the world a “Proclamation For Morality,” sang some hymns and sacrificed a goat – or something. The gist of the piece (below) was a litany of quotes from our Founding Fathers about God and some spurious and fallacious statements about the connection between morality and gays and the economy (no, I’m not making that up, again you can read it at the end of my article). So what is the role of religion in government and in the Republican party? Sit back, relax, enjoy, and let the Beefboy do, what the Beefboy does best… and that’s break it right on down for you!

Sally Kern, and her desire to create law “by The Book”, is a relic of a bygone age. I keep hoping that Natural or Un-Natural Selection will rid us of the Religousaurus in politics, but we haven’t had a good extinction-level event yet. Let me say that I have no problem at all with Sally and her ilk delivering a “Proclamation For Morality” from her local church, or sacrificing goats for that matter, but when you bring that silliness into a legislative body, then you insult the Founding Fathers who fought so hard to keep us from having wizards, clerics and popes dictate law.

Frankly Sally, if you want religion in your government, then you should look into a move to Iran. They’re big on morality too! You’ll love it! Of course, you’ll have no freedom whatsoever and you’ll have no rights as a woman, but by Allah… you’ll have some fucking morality!!!

Meanwhile, let’s look at the bigger picture. Sally Kern is one reason (but only one!) that Republicans are stupid. Over the past nine months, starting with Bush and the Democratic Congress, and continuing with Obama, they have spent money like Paris Hilton on vacation in Paris, France. The nutsacks in charge have expanded the spending and the role of government like never before, rapidly creating a socialist utopia that will enslave and impoverish the United States in record time.

If you are in the opposition party (unfortunately we only have two legitimate parties), now is the time to be the voice of REASON. Republicans have an opportunity to gain ground by appealing to people who are upset at the explosion of government spending and a government who is creeping far outside of the limits imposed by our Constitution. Instead, you have Republican Governor Mark Sanford travelling to Venezuela to fuck hot Latinas, Republican Governor Sarah Palin quitting her job mid-stream because only “dead fish go with the flow” and Sally Kern wagging her finger at us because women are not wearing burkas in strip clubs. Sally and the gang are focused on bullshit and other Republican leaders are doing everything under the sun to undermine the most important message.

Republican stupidity is stunning! You’d think after getting their pious ass reamed in the congressional elections of 2006, or the presidential elections of 2008, that the GOP would consider dropping bullshit like “Proclamations of Morality” and try to appeal to people who want LESS GOVERNMENT! Some people never learn and I could care less if Republicans ever get in power again, as long as we get a viable third party who can focus on what’s important instead of devising new ways for government to spend my money or tell me what to do.

And finally, to Sally and her supporters, I leave you with the words of Jesus, who said, “Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s, and unto God the things that are God’s.”

Dig it! Amen.

- The Beefboy

Oh, and Sally, I’m also making you the Beefboy’s Nutsack of the Moment. Congratulations!

SALLY KERN’S OKLAHOMA CITIZEN’S PROCLAMATION FOR MORALITY

We the People of Oklahoma, Invoking the guidance of Almighty God, in order to
secure and perpetuate the blessing of Liberty; to secure just and rightful Government; to promote
our mutual Welfare and Happiness, do establish this proclamation and call upon the people of the
great State of Oklahoma, and our fellow Patriots in these United States of America who look to
the Lord for guidance, to acknowledge the need for a national awakening of righteousness in our
land.

WHEREAS, “It is Religion and Morality alone, which can establish the Principles upon
which Freedom can securely stand” (John Adams); and

WHEREAS, “We have no government armed with power capable of contending with
human passions unbridled by Religion and Morality” (John Adams); and

WHEREAS, “Our Constitution was made only for a Moral and Religious people” (John
Adams); and

WHEREAS, “We have staked the whole future of American civilization, not upon the
power of government…but upon the capacity of mankind for self-government, upon the capacity
of each and all of us to govern ourselves, to control ourselves, to sustain ourselves according to
the Ten Commandments of God” (James Madison); and

WHEREAS, “Freedom is not a gift bestowed upon us by other men, but a right that
belongs to us by the laws of God (Benjamin Franklin); and

WHEREAS, “God who gave us life gave us liberty and can the liberties of a nation be
thought secure when we have removed their only firm basis, a conviction in the minds of the
people that these liberties are of the Gift of God” (Thomas Jefferson); and

WHEREAS, “Whether any free government can be permanent, where the public
worship of God, and the support of Religion, constitute no part of the policy or duty of the state”
(Joseph Story); and

WHEREAS, “We hold sacred the rights of conscience, and promise to the people…the
free and undisturbed exercise of their religion” (Roger Sherman); and

WHEREAS, “This great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians”
(Patrick Henry); and

WHEREAS, “When you…exercise the right of voting for public officers, let it be
impressed upon your mind that God commands you to choose just men who will rule in the fear of
God” (Noah Webster); and

WHEREAS, “The principles of genuine Liberty and of wise laws and administrations
are to be drawn from the Bible” (Noah Webster); and

WHEREAS, the people of Oklahoma have a strong tradition of reliance upon the
Creator of the Universe; and

WHEREAS, we believe our economic woes are consequences of our greater national
moral crisis; and

WHEREAS, this nation has become a world leader in promoting abortion,
pornography, same sex marriage, sex trafficking, divorce, illegitimate births, child abuse, and
many other forms of debauchery; and

WHEREAS, alarmed that the Government of the United States of America is forsaking
the rich Christian heritage upon which this nation was built; and

WHEREAS, grieved that the Office of the president of these United States has refused
to uphold the long held tradition of past presidents in giving recognition to our National Day of
Prayer; and

WHEREAS, deeply disturbed that the Office of the president of these United States
disregards the biblical admonitions to live clean and pure lives by proclaiming an entire month to
an immoral behavior;

NOW THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED that we the undersigned elected officials
of the people of Oklahoma, religious leaders and citizens of the State of Oklahoma, appealing to
the Supreme Judge of the world, solemnly declare that the HOPE of the great State of Oklahoma
and of these United States, rests upon the Principles of Religion and Morality as put forth in the
HOLY BIBLE; and

BE IT RESOLVED that we, the undersigned, believers in the One True God and His
only Son, call upon all to join with us in recognizing that “Blessed is the Nation whose God is the
Lord,” and humbly implore all who love Truth and Virtue to live above reproach in the sight of God
and man with a firm reliance on the leadership and protection of Almighty God; and

BE IT RESOLVED that we, the undersigned, humbly call upon Holy God, our
Creator, Sustainer, and Redeemer, to have mercy on this nation, to stay His hand of judgment,
and grant a national awakening of righteousness and Christian renewal as we repent of our great
sin.

Signed on the second day of July in the year of our Lord Christ Two Thousand and Nine.

Jessica Alba, why the fuck did you paste shark posters in downtown Oklahoma City? Are you aware that OKC is landlocked about 6000 miles away from the open sea? Are you aware that defacing billboards for one cause (the United Way) for your cause (dwindling shark population) destroys any sympathy you might have gained?

Also, the Beefboy must ask, why would you have your photo taken next to your crime and then blog about it? Jessica, do any of your decisions on that evening sound like something a sane adult would do?

For all of those reasons, Jessica Alba, you are the Beefboy’s Nutsack of the Moment.

One last note. If you weren’t a hot Hollywood celebrity, would the cops have let you off without a charge? I have to wonder what would happen if the Beefboy went and did the same exact stunt right now, what would happen.

As I said Jessica, you’re hot, so here’s some photos to demonstrate why we put up with your idiocy, which also makes you the Beefboy’s Chick of the Moment!

Want to see a future America where social programs, spending and rampant liberalism rule the day? Look no further than California. California is on the precipice of a $40 billion budget shortfall this year. Governor Schwarzenegger wants to lay off over 20,000 government workers. California imports more oil than any other state. Taxed to the heavens, businesses and citizens are leaving California in droves, while illegal aliens swarm the state.

Meanwhile California is hamstringed with liberalism. Whether it’s unions that keep California from demanding results from workers, or environmentalists that keep California from using it’s abundant natural resources, or civil rights groups that prevent California from dealing effectively with illegal aliens, California is doomed! Their only answer to ANYTHING is to spend more money on bullshit (money which they don’t have, and won’t have because of all the problems I laid about above).

Forget earthquakes, global warming, or nuclear missile strikes from North Korea… what will truly destroy California are a combination of outrageous spending alongside pandering to pansy special interest groups. Argue with the Beefboy if you must (and lose), but look at the bottom line, and the underlying reasons for California’s problems, and there is only one conclusion. California is a blueprint for FAILURE.

Unfortunately, our last President, our new President, and the majority members of Congress are taking that blueprint and applying it to the United States. The Beefboy shouldn’t have to tell you what path the United States government has pursued since late last year.

Spending is not just through the roof, it’s through the atmosphere and headed to Mars! Under the guise of “Saving The Planet” (an even more arrogant and futile endeavor than the “War on Poverty” or the “War on Drugs”), our leaders are passing legislation to make energy more scarce and more expensive for everyone, despite the fact that we have abundant resources of our own, that could make energy cleaner and cheaper than ever before. Finally, we are overly concerned with payoffs and back-scratching special interest groups that are designed to either expand the power of liberal organs or pass vanity legislation to appease fraction groups. All of this will be paid for by either monetizing the debt (see the Beefboy’s article on that dangerous practice) or by taxing everyone until their wallets bleed!

And yes, that means YOU will be taxed in every conceivable way. If you think because you’re poor that you’re getting off without a hitch, hold on to your wallet while I detail what’s going to happen. Whether it’s Cap and Trade which will invisibly raise your energy bills by $3000 a year, or taxes on sugar in your soft drinks, cigarette taxes, food taxes for too much salt, taxes on fuel emissions for your car, internet usage taxes, fat taxes, sales taxes, health care taxes, death taxes or income taxes, every man, woman, child and pet will pay, and pay dearly, for this socialist utopia based on the failed experiment that is currently happening in California.

If you’re looking forward to a future America that looks like Mad Max, then by all means, let’s stay on the path that California has laid out for us. After all, the Beefboy is ready for Thunderdome… are you?

Dig it!

Barbara Jean Blank was born on January 15, 1987 and began modeling as a teenager. By her late teens she was a bikini model, which included work for Miss Hawaiian Tropic. Her modeling career led her to be discovered by the WWE’s Johnny Ace who saw Kelly in a Venus Swimsuit catalog under the name “Barbie Blank. In May of 2006 she was signed to a developmental with the World Wrestling Entertainment and was sent to Ohio Valley Wrestling for training. She was then given the name “Kelly Kelly” by the WWE.

With this post I’m moving Megan Fox into the Beefboy Pantheon beside Rose McGowan, Adrianne Curry and Alex Sim Wise. Largely known for her appearance in the Transformers movie, Megan Fox is going to explode (as am I) over the next year with a Transformers sequel, Jonah Hex, Ironclad, Jennifer’s Body, The Crossing and Passion Plays and a rumored Fathom movie. The point is… Hollywood can’t get enough of Megan Fox and neither can the Beefboy.

Megan Fox loves the camera and the camera loves her, so there’s a lot of photos out there. This is not every photo of Megan Fox by a long shot, these are just the BEST photos of Megan Fox available right now, including some nude photos on a set where only make-up covers her naughty bits.

Rest assured, the Beefboy will be keeping up with the photo series that are out there in the future and posting those as well.