I can’t tell you how much hate mail I receive for being a Republican. Wake up! I’m definitely no Republican. I’ve had the title of “Your Radical Moderate Underground Icon” for nearly a decade! If you decide to label the Beefboy, I pity you, because you have all the proverbial intellectual acumen of Bizarro trying to fight the combined forces of Lex Luthor, the Marquis de Sade and Thomas Jefferson! Want to know what the Beefboy’s made of? Sit back, relax, enjoy, and let the Beefboy do, what the Beefboy does best and that’s break it right on down for you!

The Beefboy is a libertine baby! I love porn! The reason that I’m not a Republican is exactly because of porn! Republicans want to get in your bedroom and tell you how to fuck, and who to fuck. They want to tell you who to worship and where to worship. Republicans think it’s their right to get in a woman’s womb. Do I like abortions? No. But I also don’t want the Christian Coalition playing guard dog with my girlfriend’s pussy! Republican’s jack off at every opportunity to take away my liberties under the auspices of security or morality.

Republicans are blindfolded and bound by their own razorlike focus on sin. In fact they are so much into blindfolds and bondage that they might want to look into some therapy with a Professional Dominatrix. Republicans squandered a decade of rule in Congress by worrying about the family dispute over pulling the plug on Terri Shiavo, steroids in baseball, and Janet Jackson showing her nipple during the Superbowl. Meanwhile, they spent money like Paris Hilton and paid for it by borrowing from your children.

Fuck Republicans.

Meanwhile, the reason I’m not a Democrat is because they want desperately to rape my wallet. They want to take my treasure and spend it on stupid shit in the government that could be handled better by the American entrepreneurial engine. Democrats have become the true fascists, telling you what to say and what to think through political correctness. Democrats want to fight evil with flowery language and lead us screaming into economic ruin by siding with environmental fetishists and Marxist saboteurs.

Democrats are full of insults and vitriol but are very very light on FACTS. Democrats are typically dazzled by bullshit and emboldened from reports gleaned from Comedy Central and Madison Avenue PR campaigns. Democrats are a blunt instrument guided by Al Gore’s hundred million dollar hedge fund and a biased media. Democrats are their own worst enemy.

Fuck Democrats.

Ultimately though, the reason why I’m not a Republican or a Democrat is because I refuse to give anyone my vote because of expected loyalty. If you want my vote, then you have to work for it bitch! You better get down on your knees and marinate my meat just right. You better give me the attention I deserve. No one gets a free pass. I’m an Independent! Want my vote? Work for it!

What is the greatest threat to this country? Terrorism? Environmental Ruin? Josh Grobin? No. The greatest threat to this country is voting zombies who acquiesce their independence to the intractable Democrat and Republican parties. Our slow silent death of one thousand cuts is at the hands of the two-party system! Both parties want money, power and re-election! Neither Republicans nor Democrats are looking out for you at all. The Beefboy stands as one of the true INDEPENDENT voices. I’m ready to verbally kick the shit out of anyone who seeks to take your rights away, is corrupt, or wants your hard earned money.

I’m the son of our Founding Fathers and the heir to their intellectual fortunes. The Beefboy is fighting for you and for your freedom. That’s the Beefboy Manifesto.

Dig it!