August 11, 2008

Cold War II

- Time for a healthy dose of "I told you so"! Once again, the Beefboy nails geopolitics like Brad Pitt nails Angelina Jolie! On December 9th, 2006 I told you that Russia was beginning to flex its muscles again and last year on December 3rd, I put Russia on my Red Alert List. Where was the media on this twenty months ago? Absent. Where was your talk show, internet and radio gods on this subject? AWOL! Only the Beefboy gave you the high hard one on this issue! Only the Beefboy shows you the love!

After Bush's speech today on Russia's incursion into Georgia, and Russia's steadfast refusal to back-off, I can officially declare that we are now in the second Cold War. Don't take this lightly. This is serious shit. Politics, economics and security will be greatly affected by this shift over the next months, years and probably decades.

We need leadership right now like never before.

Stay tuned. The Beefboy is ON IT.

August 5, 2008

- About a year ago, I heard someone complain that Hollywood has yet to give us the definitive post September 11 movie.  While some crusty directors have tried with diatribe flops like "Rendition" and "Stop Loss," the attempts to give us a serious look at the times we live in have met with derision and yawns. 

Well, we finally got the movie that movie critics and sociologists have asked for… "The Dark Knight."  Yes, we’re talking about a Batman movie here, but director Christopher Nolan has managed to touch on public paranoia, the breakdown of society, terrorism, politics, torture, civil rights and the ethics involved in dealing with crazy homicidal nutsacks.

With a cast that would be just as comfortable doing Shakespeare as doing Batman, and filmmaking at Hollywood’s highest level of craft, "The Dark Knight" excels because Christopher Nolan takes his subject matter seriously, but never forgets that we watch movies to escape.  Nolan addresses the big issues without preaching. 

"The Dark Knight" can be enjoyed on many levels, and that’s the point.  If you just want to get away… it delivers.  If you want to see excellence in film… it delivers.  If you want to explore the social and political implications of fighting terrorism… it delivers. 

The Dark Knight deserves every dime it makes at the box office.

Did Nolan listen to the Beefboy's podcast on "What's Wrong with Hollywood?" It sure seems like he did.

- I read a lot.  Unfortunately, most of what I read are newspapers or business books lately.  So, for some reason I decided to make the time to read some fiction.  The book I chose was "Kildar," by John Ringo and I was deeply disappointed. 

Now, the Beefboy wasn’t looking for a mind expanding experience when I chose that book, merely a good action read, and I heard Ringo’s books were sprinkled with some saucy stuff, so I managed to plod through nearly 500 pages of… well, not much of anything, actually. 

The main character had absolutely zero character development, and was largely an uninteresting character to start with.  There were no antagonists at all.  Every obstacle put in the main character's path were waved away with a fat pocketbook and forgotten.  There was almost no action until the very end, and all too brief.  Even the sex scenes were pedestrian.  It was basically 500 pages of cleaning out a building and getting to know a bunch of Eastern European hillbillies. 

Neat. 

Anyone got a good novel for me to read?

- Nancy Pelosi admits that she is holding up a comprehensive energy bill in congress until after the election in November because odds are that Democrats will have more power then and won’t have to compromise as much. 

What?!!  You’re telling me that politics are the reason that we can’t get any action out of congress for ANOTHER SIX MONTHS?  These problems have been evident for well over three fucking decades!  Nancy Pelosi has been in charge of a majority for two years.  At what point are the members of congress going to do the job they were sent to do and start worrying about us more than their own re-election campaign? 

Nancy Pelosi should be arrested for sedition and removed from office immediately. Our energy crisis is not a fucking game. People are suffering. Our oil money is going to our enemy's wallets. Our children's future is on the line.

I hope congress enjoys their five weeks off. After nearly two years without one single piece (not ONE!) of important legislation, at least we're not spending money to light and cool the Capital Building. 

Dig it!

July 17, 2008

- After hearing the news all day about "S&M Barbie" I rushed home to see what was up with her. I figured that Mattel had crafted a Barbie with a nip slip or something. Nope. It's a damn Barbie doll of the DC Comics Character Black Canary!

Naturally, some inconsequential Christian group has decided it's "filth", which means I fucking HAVE to HAVE IT! I'm hoping they break sales records for this doll. It comes out in September and the Beefboy is first in line!

July 13, 2008

- I just saw Miss Venezuela win the Miss Universe pageant. Nothing against Miss V, but Miss Russia was outrageously stunning and I was sorry to see her lose. I'd like to enact a little Glasnost and make things up to her... in private.

- I keep hearing about a Federal bailout of Freddie Mac.  Why are we bailing out Freddie Mac?  I mean he’s got money from the Kings of Comedy Tour and he’s got his TV show and all.  He should be doing great! 

What?... That’s Bernie Mac?  Sorry, my bad.

- The Beefboy is certainly no fan of Jesse Jackson, but I think the biggest mistake he made last weekend was talking like he was in a car, or his own house, while he was under a hot mic.  There are far more egregious things Jackson has said over the years.  Lord knows I've said things to friends I wouldn't want repeated.

It should be no surprise that Jesse wants to cut Obama’s jumblies!  Barack is about to totally render Jackson obsolete!  It’s hard to bitch about a racist country and "whitey keeping the black man down," when the nation elects a black man to the highest office in the land! 

In fact, that may be the single BEST reason to vote for Obama- it cuts Jackson’s NUTS OFF!!!

- Speaking of Obama. His vision for America is to drive small cars, stop using air conditioning and to speak Spanish.  Is this really change we can believe in?

- Apparently billionaire T. Boone Pickens has been reading the Beefboy Rants!  He’s basically proposing a couple of the things (but only a couple) that I laid out several weeks ago in my article The Oil Problem: Solved. 

Thing is, he’s put a fat ton of money behind some television commercials and now… suddenly… people are talking about CNG cars.  Hello?... I wrote the definitive word on how to solve the energy crisis several weeks ago.  Others can take the credit, but the Beefboy is the guy who wrapped it up in one big Happy Meal of an article. 

Read it.  Learn it.  Live it.

- I think it's time for the Beefboy to drill in ANWAR... that's Gabrielle Anwar! I don't know what it will do for the energy crisis, but it's good for the crisis in my pants!

- Now for a crapload of Ten Second Movie Reviews:

This is truly the Summer of Comics. "Hellboy 2" opened this weekend, and honestly, the Beefboy was blown away! I love the Hellboy character and all the freaks he hangs out with from the first film (especially the, literally smokin' hot Selma Blair). However, this new film was about ten times better than the first film. Director Guillermo del Toro just moved into my favorite directors pantheon (joining the Coen Brothers, Terry Gilliam, Stanley Kubrick and Jean-Pierre Jeunet). "Hellboy 2" is a visual kick in the balls! It's also funny, exciting and poignant. "Hellboy 2" won't change your life, but it will entertain you and engross you. It's my favorite film of the summer so far, but... "The Dark Knight" opens next week... My friend Shawn loaned me a copy of "Appleseed: Ex Machina," a CGI anime produced by John Woo!  I’ve followed Masamune Shirow’s work for a while now, and the look and concepts are all there, but this film is beautiful!  It’s a turbo-charged high-tech action winner!  It’s a blast!  I had high hopes for "Wanted" and I think it delivered as well.  Russian director Timur Bekmambetov turned in a violent tour de force!  And Angelina Jolie!  She can kidnap me ANY TIME!  On the strength of "Wanted," I picked up "Nightwatch" and "Daywatch" Timur Bekmambetov's previous films.  I’ll report on those soon.  One thing that’s interesting about "Wanted" is that it’s yet another film produced by a comic company, in this case, Top Cow.  So, added to Dark Horse and Marvel, we now have the Image boys making a play on the big screen.  Notice how much better the comic movies are lately?  This is a Golden Age for comic book films! I saw "Aliens Versus Predator: Requiem" over last weekend (I know… I know… I’m behind okay?) and I was extremely disappointed.  I guess they have just thrown in the towel and decided that this series of films should now be geared toward 13 year olds.  Requiem was derivative, adolescent and overly amateur.  Why not just have Freddy or Jason show up?  I mean, if the series has devolved into spectacle, might as well go for the brass ring!  I’m mostly upset because of the exceptional pedigree of the original Alien films.  "Alien," directed by Ridley Scott, changed horror films forever.  "Aliens," directed by James Cameron, changed action films forever.  Even "Alien 3" and "Alien Resurrection," were helmed by two artists at the top of their game and offered new and artistic takes on the franchise.  The last two films might as well had their debut on the Sci-fi channel’s Saturday night line up.  They are a ghost of their previous incarnations.

- Finally, what happened to America… The Melting Pot?  There was a time that everyone who came to this country adopted the American dream as their own and strengthened this country with their own unique flavor. 

Now, we have radical Mexican elements that refuse to be part of this nation, and furthermore proclaim that this nation is “theirs”.  We have radical Muslim agents who want us to succumb to Sharia law and bend in every way to acquiesce to their own religious proclivities. 

We have Asian-Americans, Hispanic-Americans, African-Americans, Islamic-Americans and Native Americans.  We have so much fragmentation that I see a moment when we become a nation of idiotic whining separatists who endlessly bitch at each other because we don’t bow before their god or speak their language or rub their pussy hard enough! 

Fuck that! 

All you little crybabies need to suck it up and realize that it is our diversity that makes us stronger and while it is perfectly fine for you to do your own thing, in your own home, we are not required to change our lifestyle to accommodate YOU in any way. 

Live your life.  Just be an AMERICAN, and ditch the hyphen. 

Hyphens are for pussies!

July 10, 2008

- The Beefboy lives several lives. In one of my other lives I'm doing something exceptionally big and it's been taking me away from you Beefanatics! Sorry about that. One small update tonight... one BIG update this weekend!

- That's Brooke Hogan above. She's the little girl of Hulk Hogan... but she's no little girl anymore! I need a Beefboy Fanpage of her! Check back this weekend.

- Cowards!  All you pansy-ass fuckers in the media who are not LOUDLY banging the drum about the Muslim Honor Killing, right here in America, are a bunch of sniveling cowards!  Either report the real news or just play women’s beach volleyball instead.  If we’re going to watch boobs, then it might as well be the real thing instead of the figurative variety.

- Last week's political media circus fed us a continuous stream of “debate” over the patriotism of our two top candidates.  McCain’s proxies are taking jabs at Obama, while Obama’s agents are countering by wagging their finger at McCain for “questioning Obama’s patriotism”. 

The fact is that neither Obama, nor McCain are questioning anything.  This is the media making a “story” out of bitching by peripheral partisan nutsacks.  Is there any chance we can get the actual candidates to debate on something with some substance, like gas prices, the economy and Iraq? 

As ditzy girls say… “thanks so much.”

- Every year we’re subjected to NOAA making a prediction on how many hurricanes we’re going to have.  This year they say it will be "above normal or normal".  Wow! Let's see, if they predict "above normal and normal," then that only leaves "below normal". Remember when they used to give you a number? The last three years they have missed it terribly, so this year I’m giving you the official Beefboy Hurricane Prediction.  I think we’re going to have 5 hurricanes with one being big.

Mark it down.  Let’s see who is right. 

I’m also going to make another prediction.  No matter how many hurricanes we have, normal, below normal, or above normal, it’s going to be blamed on global warming… or whatever they are calling it this year.

Dig it!

- I just heard President Bush ask Congress to allow drilling off shore.  However, he could rescind an Executive Order, enacted by his daddy, which would allow off shore exploration.  Why the fuck would Bush stand in front of the press and the world, and then not take the LEAD and at least do his part? 

Once again, we have no fucking leaders.  We have a bunch of empty suits who prefer to flap their gums while we pay $4.00 a gallon for gas.  Screw them! Screw them all!  We need solutions!  The Beefboy has them… read on Beefanatics.

Here is the most important article the Beefboy has ever written- The Oil Problem... Solved. Yes, the Beefboy has solved high gas prices, but you have to read the article first, and there's a test at the end!

June 13, 2008

- Anyone who reads my stuff regularly probably already knows that I'm a News Nerd. I'm the guy who gets up early on Sunday morning to watch Meet the Press like most guys watch the NFL. Tim Russert, my favorite jounalist... maybe the last great journalist, died today.

What I liked most about Russert is that he gave hell to both sides of the political spectrum. In an age where most "journalists" wear their bias on their sleeve like a badge of honor, Russert managed to rise above and demonstrate to everyone what being unbiased looked like.

He had a good sense of humor and came across as a great guy. I would have liked to have sat down and had dinner with Tim. I won't get that chance and that's my loss.

I shudder to think who NBC (the National Barack Channel) is going to get to "replace" Russert. He was the only thing that stood between NBC and total gay love for Obama and anything else left of center. If Meet the Press is helmed by Chris Mathews or Keith Olberman, last week will be the last time I watch my favorite show.

June 12, 2008

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the restroom.  Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday..'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.' 

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment.'

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him.  And he hasn't done too bad either... His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

June 11, 2008

- I just saw that Nick Cannon got a huge, and the Beefboy means HUGE, tattoo of Mariah Carey’s first name on his back (above)… in ornate letters.  Now while I don’t have a problem with ink in general, under no circumstances should you ever… EVER… get some chick’s name stamped on your back like a fucking billboard! 

Why didn’t he just get “Pussy Whipped” tattooed on his back!  Maybe he’d like to walk around in a collar with a leash! 

Seriously. 

I’m going to bust my guts laughing at Nick “Chump-Stain” Cannon, when those two break up. 

The clock is ticking…

- Congratulations to Barack Obama for winning the longest and most expensive primary EVER.  No matter what happens from here, there is no denying that America has nominated its first black candidate for President… so congratulations to us as well. 

I will give Obama two things in particular that I like about him.  He is an incredibly gifted orator… probably the best since Ronald Reagan.  And after the past eight years of a stammering and dispassionate chief executive, someone who has mastery over the English language would be welcome. 

I’d also like to point out that everyone wants to dogpile on Obama because he hasn’t been a Beltway politician all his life.  I think that’s a huge plus!  Look at what the “experienced” nutsacks in Washington D.C. have given us!  They have fucked things up so incredibly, you can only conclude that destroying this nation is part of their agenda! 

I have a shitload of problems with Obama, but today, I’m going to let my thoughts on him stand as is. 

- Let me tell you where Jeff Bezos of Amazon.com is wrong and the Beefboy is right.  Electronic books will NOT replace paper books unless there is some sort of catastrophic shortage of trees, and we can manufacture paper from other sources anyway. 

I hate reading off my computer monitor all the time.  Why the fuck would I welcome reading an ENTIRE BOOK from a screen?  Are you a masochist?  Do you love eyestrain?  Then by all means read a book from a LCD screen.  How many times have you had your computer go tits up and you’ve lost everything on it?  Books in a bookcase will be there forever, unless you have a fire, and that’s taking your hard drive with it as well. 

There is no replacement for the tactile and olfactory sensations of holding a book.  A book is already portable.  Books have not changed fundamentally for over 500 years.  I’m willing to accept that some people will read things on a tablet, just like some people will choose to have sex in Second Life… but nothing beats the real thing baby!

June 9, 2008

- Any one who watches "The Great American Dog" on CBS should immediately lose their right to vote.

- Hungry?

June 2, 2008

- Here's a good indicator that no one uses cash anymore. The Beefboy handed a cashier exact change and SHE LAUGHED! We're closer to a cashless society than you might think Beefanatics.

June 1, 2008

- The CBS broadcast of Elite XC's MMA bouts were hardly a blow to rival UFC. In fact, the laborious pace of the show was an insult to the fast pace of MMA matches. While the broadcast team was adequate and a couple of the fights were decent, the main event match was a snore festival.

The best match of the show on Saturday night was the girl-fight against Gina Carano (above) and Kaitlin Young. Both fighters put on a great match, with some of the best martial arts I've seen in the cage, and some serious power and aggression. Those pansy men who fought on Saturday could have learned a thing or two by watching these two throw down.

And wow! Gina Carano not only got the win, but knocked out the Beefboy's heart. She's smokin' hot too! As it turns out, she's also Crush on American Gladiators.

You can expect a Beefboy Gallery with her VERY SOON!

May 23, 2008

- Instead of playing the fantasy movie "An Inconvenient Truth" to a young generation of school age children, why don't we show them a documentary that will actually help them in life? The Beefboy suggests Morgan Spurlock's "Maxed Out" which correctly focused on the housing bubble before it happened and details the credit crisis for both individuals and the government.

Hell, why don't you watch that movie WITH your kids? It beats the fuck out "High School Musical 3"... or whatever number they're on!

May 20, 2008

- It's my birthday bitches!

- I fucking love this bit from Carlos Mencia.

May 16, 2008

- I'm in a strange mood. Maybe it's because I'm not feeling so great tonight, or because I read too damn much, or maybe because Battlestar Gallactica is going out so fucking strong and dealing with such incredible existential shit that the Beefboy is thinking a lot about THE BIG PICTURE.

With that thought, I have two stories for you tonight.

- Scientists in China have video of snakes and toads that were going nuts two days before the earthquake there. Plenty of scientists think it's bullshit, but in 373 B.C. historians recorded that rats, snakes and weasels abandoned the Greek city of Helice before it was devastated by an earthquake. After the 2004 tsunami in Asia, officials reported a low number of animal casualties because herds of antelope, elephants and deer fled to the hills before the tidal wave hit.

Time and time again, evidence points to animals having an inexplicable sense of danger, and consistently, scientists have dismissed this evidence as coincidence.

- The Pioneer spacecraft, launched in the early 70's, are both off course by a quarter of a million miles. These craft have gone further than any other thing created by human hands. The Pioneer spacecraft have left our solar system, but they continue, after nearly 40 years, to teach us new things about the universe we live in.

The problem is that given a laundry list of probable causes, scientists can not account for the reason that the Pioneer spacecraft are off course by so much. NASA was about to throw away piles of ancient computer files tracking data from the Pioneer when one scientist named Dr. Slava Turyshev, following up on the work of Dr. John Anderson, rescued the information and formed a group to research the data.

Whatever is affecting the probes, whether it is dark matter or is something else, it's calling into question Newton's Law of Gravity. As Dr. Turyshev says, "If Newton is wrong, Einstein is wrong too."

The Beefboy says if Einstein is wrong, then so is Hawking. So is everyone else. We may be feverishly clinging to a set of rules that at the very least, are woefully inadequate for explaining what's happening around us, and at the very worst, may be fundamentally flawed at their core.

Stop. Think.

Everything you know is wrong.

May 12, 2008

- Holy nuts ahoy!  Iron Man kicked the shit out of Speed Racer on opening weekend.  Speed Racer was a distant second at 20 million to Iron Man who still has the pole position at 50 million!  Who would have seen that coming?  Iron Man may hold on to the top spot until Indiana Jones nods next week! 

If Hulk doesn’t tank then you can expect Marvel to drag every silly superhero they own to the big screen.

- This clip of Bill O'Reilly flipping out is FANTASTIC!!!

May 11, 2008

- The Beefboy went to see Iron Man finally and I have to admit that I’m impressed.  You can clearly see that this movie was made by people who love and respect the source material that inspired the movie.  The cast was excellent.  In fact, how many Oscar nominated actors are in the cast?  Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Terrance Howard, Jeff Bridges and Samuel L. Jackson have all had their accolades over the years and they are all on target here. 

The movie is fun and delivers on effects, but has a solid human framework.  Using my buddy Scott’s measurement of a “comic movie that’s like an actual comic book”, I’d say Iron Man ranks as one of the very best. 

You can see the influence of Marvel producing the movie (more below).  It was nice to see a superhero movie made without the typical Hollywood pandering to eight year-olds.  They are also setting up a very interesting crossover movie universe which is very exciting. 

Kudos all around.

- Speaking of Gwyneth Paltrow (above), has she ever looked better in a movie? I think I have an Iron Man in my pants! 

- Speed Racer is only the first of several anime inspired movies coming to your theater.  Steven Speilberg got a hold of Ghost in the Shell and M. Night Shyamalan is doing Avatar as The Last Airbender. 

The best animated movie of all time, Akira, was snatched up by, of all people, Leonardo DiCaprio, (no I'm not shitting you) who plans to make two live action feature films out of the property. 

I’m confident that Speilberg and Shyamalan are going to turn in first class films, but if fucking Leonardo DiCaprio screws up Akira then it's him and the Beefboy in the Octagon!

- One of the things I learned while looking into this summer’s movies is that Marvel Entertainment Group, who gave us Iron Man and Hulk and The Fantastic Four and Spider-man and Blade, recently became a production studio. 

That means instead of licensing their intellectual properties to other companies, they are producing their own movies.   For one thing, it means that Marvel gets to pocket all that sweet lucre their characters have been making in the market. 

The most important thing is that Marvel knows a hell of a lot more about how to present their characters than Hollywood does.  I expect Marvel to not talk down to their audience, like we usually get with superhero fare.  If they play their cards right, both Marvel and the audience will be well rewarded for this intelligent move.

They are certainly off to a great start with Iron Man.

- Why do meteorologists tell you what to wear during their forecasts?  If they give you the temperature, wind speed and chance of precipitation then I’m thinking that most of us can figure out what to wear on our own!  I’m mean, I’m an adult right? 

I have at least a couple of decades of experience in dressing my own ass… if they are doing their job right, I can probably work out the details. 

April 30, 2008

- Who caught all the Briefcase Babes on Deal or No Deal dressed in the Princess Leia slavegirl outfit?  Those chicks have never looked hotter.  I think the Beefboy has had a few dreams like that…

I've included a clip from that show AND I also ran into a clip and photos of Yvonne Strahovski from Chuck dressed like Leia!

- So now Reverend Wright is saying an attack on him is an attack on black churches.  Well, wouldn’t that be convenient?  That would mean that if you attach Reverend Wright because he’s a fucking America hating moonbat nutsack, then you’re a RACIST. 

Well fuck you Reverend Wright.  You can call me anything you like.  I don’t really give a shit.  You are an angry socialistic elitist and you could single-handedly take down Barack Obama’s chances at the Presidency simply because of arrogance, stupidity, a hunger for publicity and GREED. 

You see, Wright is just another Race Pimp, whoring the same old shit to people who deserve a hell of a lot better!  Obama has finally done what he should have done months or years ago, and that’s throw Reverend Nutsack under the bus!  According to Reverend Wright that makes Obama a racist too! 

- Why do meteorologists tell you what to wear during their forecasts?  If they give you the temperature, wind speed and chance of precipitation then I’m thinking that most of us can figure out what to wear on our own! 

I’m mean, I’m an adult right?  I have at least a couple of decades of experience in dressing my own ass… if they are doing their job right, I can probably work out the details. 

April 28, 2008

I don't know if the new Speed Racer movie is going to suck balls or not, but visually, it looks pretty fucking amazing!

April 27, 2008

Who said you can't find love on the internet?

April 26, 2008

Check out Vin Diesel... busting a move, bitch!

- The Beefboy has been AWOL lately due to my recent trip to Belgium.  Of course, I can’t take a trip to Europe without a few observations.

- They really know how to take a shit in Belgium.  In the Brussels airport they have individual rooms with doors to take care of your business.  Only Senator Larry Craig would be disappointed with that! 

When you flush a toilet there is an amazing cascade of water… like we used to have in America until some vegetarian weasel decided that we needed to waste less water when we flushed… thus forcing us to flush the toilet 18 times to get the same effect and conversely using even more water! 

Finally they have the French Bidet.  Nothing like a refreshing spritz on your nutsack to get your day going right!

- Speaking of nutsacks.  I got stuck between some Eurotrash tool who thought he was going to hog the arm rest for the entire flight (The Beefboy doesn’t think so Captain Croissant!) and some moonbat crone who was ready to ape bonkers and wouldn’t sit the fuck still! 

That flight was eight hours long over the Atlantic and I wasn’t in any mood to put up with their shit.  Before we touched down I was ready to drag the tool’s ass to the little airplane bathroom and shove him down that toilet hole, and make the crone a member of the anal mile high club!

- Besides that my trip was fantastic and holy nuts ahoy… the chicks in Belgium are smoking hot!

April 12, 2008

- The Beefboy has been inundated with a lot of “thanks so much” from chicks lately.  It’s typically delivered with a saccharine sincerity that belies their disdain for even something simple… like saying “thank you”. 

Tell you what, keep your “thanks so much” and just blow me.  At least then I know how sincere you are.

- Look, I think we need to separate the Olympics from the politics of China.  Yes, clearly China’s government is populated by a bunch of socialist punks who strong-arm countries that should be given independence (like Tibet and Taiwan).  We know this. 

If you don’t like China, stop giving them nuclear and rocket secrets and stop taking campaign contributions from China (Hillary).  If you don’t like China, then we need to be working to strengthen the dollar, establish energy independence and kick their ass when they send our kids toys dipped in lead paint!  If you don’t like China then you need to be taking steps right now to make a stronger America, a stronger European Union, a stronger Japan, a stronger Australia and stronger democracies worldwide. 

China is flush with money from economic and industrial expansion, but make no mistake, they have retained their old ways of censorship, human rights abuses (real human rights abuses, not the silly shit that people complain about in the civilized world), political oppression and designs on worldwide domination.  Does that scare you?  It should. 

On the other hand, using the Olympics to punish China does absolutely nothing to achieve that goal and ends up punishing the athletes who have worked day and night for four years in preparation for these games.  Should we call China on their bullshit?  Of course!  But we should be doing it every day of every year, not just this summer.

Finally, even though I think we should allow our athletes to go over there and compete, I think Bush going over there to play grab-ass with the ChiComs is fucking absurd. (Hey, Hillary and I agree on something!) He should be staying home and watching the competition on TV, just like the rest of us. That would send the proper message.

April 9, 2008

- Oklahoma Republican State Representative Sally Kern recently said, ”The homosexual agenda is destroying this nation. It's just a fact. ... I honestly think it's the biggest threat our nation has, even more so than terrorism or Islam," and then went on a diatribe about how the Bible backs her up.

The Beefboy is trying hard to remember the last time the “gay agenda” hijacked three jets and flew them into buildings killing 3000 people.  Perhaps, Miss Kern can refresh my memory of when the “gay agenda” slit reporter’s throats on camera, or killed a cartoonist because of a drawing, or wired up mentally challenged women as living bombs.  In fact, the worst things I can blame on the “gay agenda” are several successful seasons of Dancing with the Stars, and low rise jeans for men.

Sally Kern is a good example of someone who speaks phenomenal ignorance with indignant authority. Her words not only show her own biases but also denigrates a very real threat.

And by the way, her supporters say this is a freedom of speech issue. I'm all for freedom of speech. I don't for one second deny Sally Kern's right to say all the stupid shit she wants to... and I'll be glad to exercise my own freedom of speech and call her a dimwitted Bible-humping nutsack!

April 5, 2008

- In the Beefboy's Forum my buddy Shawn suggests USFL Linebacker Lester "Mighty Rasta" Speight, or Terry Tate from the Reebok commericals (thanks Scott), for the role of B.A. Baracus in the new A-Team movie. After watching this commercial, I think he's got a great pick!

April 4, 2008

- Tonight is the beginning of the end.  Sci-fi runs the first episode of the last season of Battlestar Gallactica (Katee Sackhoff out of character above).  We’re going to be knee deep in new cylons and supposedly finding Earth this season.  I sincerely hope that they can keep up the high level of excellence and completely go out on top with this series. 

- Master of the “Art of Dumbass,” Ted Turner, tells us that the Earth’s temperature will go up by 8 degrees in 30 years and that we will all be dead or cannibals by that time.  This is, of course, completely concocted from Ted’s poor crippled mind.  Once again, I’d like to point out that you can measure the value of your cause (in this case Global Warming) by the company you keep.

- Speaking of Global Warming, Have you noticed that “Global Warming” has become “Global Climate Change”?  Wonder why?  Well… there are two reasons why.  Research is now pointing to the fact that the Earth is actually cooling and calling it “Global Warming” when the Earth is going through global cooling is not good for marketing.

The bigger reason is that calling Al Gore’s religion of “Global Climate Change” means that whether the temperature goes up, or goes down, or stays the same, he can complain that we’re the cause of it! Meanwhile, Al Gore can continue to lie to the public so he can funnel fat wads of cash to his green hedge fund and his carbon offset company. 

I think that the Beefanatics are far more intelligent than the standard web surfers and will take the time to look this stuff up on their own and make an informed decision. For all the rest of the sheeple out there… wake the fuck up! Just follow the money my friends.

April 2, 2008

- Doomsday (above) gave me everything I wanted.  It felt a lot like the sci-fi movies from the 70’s and 80’s, set in a post-apocalyptic world and filled with action.  However, this was no “B” movie.  The production was top notch.  I was impressed with the pacing and creativity in Doomsday. 

It owes a lot to Mad Max and Escape from New York, but it manages to find its own way too.  Rhona Mitra was great as the lead and where the hell did she come from?  She’s smokin’ hot!  I need to see a lot more of her immediately. 

If you like End of the World Sci-fi like the Beefboy, then you need to get out and see Doomsday before it’s out of the theater!

- Government and religion are bad enough, but even worse is government and environmentalism… a religion unto itself.  We’ve had two recent circumstances where the environmental moonbats in congress have fucked up things by trying to “fix” something that’s not a problem. 

We just went into an expanded period of “Daylight Savings Time”, which was marketed by congress as a way to save energy.  Two different studies, one domestically, and one in Australia (they’re doing the same dumb thing down under) have proven that energy expenditure actually WENT UP when you fucked around with the time.  Which means the last two weeks that I’ve spent trying to get used to getting up an hour early was absolutely a waste of time AND a waste of energy! 

Next, let’s take a look at the attempt by congress to force us into using ethanol to save the environment.  Congress has legislated that a certain amount of gas must be made from ethanol, presumably to “save the environment”.  Last weekend the Wall Street Journal published an article that cited recent academic studies that proved a link between the production of ethanol and an INCREASE in carbon emissions over fossil fuels.  Yes, you read that right, the production of ethanol creates more carbon than oil! 

So, besides causing more carbon emissions, we’re also driving up the cost of food because ethanol is currently made from corn and other food like beets and sugar cane! Like the cost of your food lately? Thank your local member of Congress!

Since man-made Global Warming is a steaming pile of bullshit anyway, what do you say we get out of the business of saving the fucking planet and get Congress into the business of saving our fucking nation!

Dig it!